We Need a Ragnarok Right Away (Thor the Conqueror, 1983)

The prophesied ruler of the land has weaker language skills than the Hulk and has no idea what a woman is.

Thor’s parents are killed when he is an infant and he is raised by an old man likes to narrate day to day. In spite of his talkative nature.  He fights his fathers rival, gets the girl and…well…

This is a Conan knockoff that never quite rises to the level of “Epic”.  It has awful dialog, for starters.  The old man, clearly not an old man at all, does not converse as much as he goes on grand story exposition.  And in spite of being raised by the talkative old man, Thor can barely string sentences together.

The effects, as such as they are, are pretty abysmal.  In one scene, Thor is having a fever dream and is tormented by demons that look like bad paper mache masks.  This is an ideal film for, say Mystery Science Theater 3000, but not so much for watching on it’s own.