Killer Halloween Party (The Funhouse Massacre, 2015)

On Halloween Night some of the most vile serial killers the world has ever seen are freed from a top secret prison facility. They hide out in a funhouse and start to kill off the patrons. A group of friends attends the event, discovering they are trapped with the homicidal maniacs and try to get out alive.

At times, the film is pretty fun. This is one of those horror comedies where the characters are slightly wittier than one would likely be in such a situation, and seem to be very aware when they say something that means they are about to die.

But on the other hand, the film spends a lot of time on build up and yet delivering very little. We are introduced to a set of serial killers based in pretty standard horror movie iconography. There is the cannibal, the evil dentist, the diabolical cult leader, the killer clown…and yet, the film never really gives the characters much life. Outside of Jere Burns’ evil cult leader, the characters show little spark, because we only see them in brief introductions. There is not a lot to work with, and this is unfortunate, because this film has solid character actors like Clint Howard and Robert Englund (who only has a small role).

Much of the mayhem takes place off camera, with our lead characters stumbling on the killers in progress. And the set up takes long enough that once the leads start running into the killers, they get dispatched rather quickly…and not very imaginatively. Horror Comedy tends to work best when it becomes cartoonish, but the film stays pretty low key in that regard.

While some of the early attempts at humor fall flat, the comedy does get stronger once in the Funhouse. The gore effects are pretty strong through the film. But the pacing of the film really hinders it from being a classic of horror comedy. And the lack of defined characters means the viewer cannot really connect and engage with the story.

October 15, 2017 0

Adventures In Babysitting (the Babysitter, 2017)

Cole is in Junior High. Almost everyone picks on him and seem determined to make his life hell. His two lights in the darkness? His friend Melanie and his Babysitter. Bee is the toughest, funniest, sexiest and all around coolest girl in school. She also stands up for Cole and is able to interact with him on his geeky level.

One night, he sneaks out of his room to spy on Bee and her friends. Except what he thinks is some exciting fun turns out to be murder and satanic rituals. Bee and her friends sacrifice another young man. When they realize Cole knows what they have done, it becomes a battle for survival.

At no point is the film scary, with a heavier focus on humor and action. The film does a great job of playing up why Cole is into Bee. She never seems deceitful, and Samara Weaving comes across as both likable and attractive. The film definitely plays up some of it’s campier elements (the deaths are over the top).

The Babysitter is an entertaining horror comedy in the vein of Tucker and Dale vs Evil. It stays focused on the goofiness of it’s concept (never succumbing to pretentious ideas that it is more meaningful than it is).

October 14, 2017 0

They’re Pretending to Be Alive (Land of the Dead, 2005)

It took 20 years for Romero to decide on a new zombie film. In this film? Set well after the zombie apocalypse, we are introduced to a small city that has grown, fortified against the dead. The culture is divided between the haves and the have-nots. Those with riches live in comfort in a high-rise apartment complex. Everyone else lives alone, where life is a day to day struggle.

In this world, there are those employed by the rich to go out and scavenge the land for supplies. Riley runs one such crew, under the employ of Kaufman. They have all sorts of tricks to distract the dead, though it is still a very dangerous job. One such expedition has an unexpected side effect. a Zombie begins uniting zombies in a march towards the city. It is unclear fully what causes this, but there is a rudimentary communication.

Meanwhile, Riley plots with his friends to get out of town and on their own. His second in command, Cholo, wants to become one of the elites and is trying to get in with Kaufman. Of course, Kaufman does not care about helping Cholo and uses his greed and ambition for his own benefit.

It is clear at this point, Romero has lost interest in the survivors. He is done suggesting mankind might win, and any attempt to rebuild is clearly futile. Land of the dead feels like it really is the end of the road for the franchise (it was not). It is a fairly decent film with some fun characters and interesting ideas at play, but at the same time, it never quite achieves the levels of its predecessors.

October 14, 2017 0

The End (Djinn, 2013)

Tobe Hooper’s final film. An Emirati couple returns home after the death of their infant son. But once home in their luxury apartment, the young wife finds herself facing frightening forms. Meanwhile, one of the women in the building seems to have a special interest in the husband.

Djinn is set against the backdrop of middle eastern mythology of Djinn, magical creatures, between angel and demon. The film focuses on evil Djinn ad references a story of a Djinn who replaced a human baby with a Djinn infant. What is the Djinn connection to the couple is the mystery to be solved.

This was a somewhat bold choice for Hooper. The film is primarily spoken in Arabic with a mostly Arabic cast. Visually, it is pretty well done. And yet…I just never found myself connecting to the characters enough for the film’s big moments.

I appreciate that they did not go the rout of setting it in the United States and make it about American’s dealing with the Djinn…but it just fails on a script level to make the characters all that engaging. Outside of the ambition, there is not a whole lot to get excited about here.

October 13, 2017 0

Loss of Identity (Bruiser, 2000)

Romero wrote and directed this exploration of identity and what a person is willing to do if they lose any sense of it. Henry Creedlow is a pushover. His wife is cheating on him, his boss treats him like garbage. At a work party, his boss’s wife has created blank masks from Henry’s face that people are then to decorate, representing their identity. Henry leaves his untouched.

What follows is a discovery that the mask no longer comes off…it is his face. Progressively, Henry becomes aggressive and violent, taking out those who have wronged him. Only then does he start adding splashes of color to his mask.

As the police close in, Henry plans an elaborate revenge on his boss. Throughout this, his boss’s wife tries to bring Henry back to reality.

The cast is pretty good, though the standouts are Peter Stormare and Tom Atkins. Stormare seems to be having a real blast as the over the top sleazebag boss.

The visual motif of the mask is handled quite nicely here. The changes he makes as he becomes more lost in his killer identity is quite effective.

However, I will say, the final scene of the film is the most “Hollywood horror” ending of Romero’s films. It feels like it is tacked on.

In the big party finale, the Misfits perform…which seems so weird for this film…but hey, I like the Misfits.

October 13, 2017 0

Killer Duality (The Dark Half, 1993)

Young Thad Beaumont experienced painful headaches when doctors performed surgery, they found the remains of a twin Thad absorbed in the womb. Years later, Thad is a teacher and writer. He is approached by Fred Clawson and asked to sign a book. Thad claims he is not the author, pointing to the author being George Stark. but Fred has worked out that Thad and Stark are one in the same. And he is threatening to expose Beaumont as the writer of the lurid books by Stark.

Thad decides to head him off at the pass and he publically “kills off” Stark. And then people related to the event start getting murdered, making Beaumont look like the prime suspect.

The film plays around with whether Thad is losing his mind or if Stark has somehow found a way into our world. There is the motif of birds within the story. Thad hears birds in his head, but birds also seem to amass when Stark is around.

Romero does a pretty decent job with this adaption of a Stephen King novel, but it is not really a memorable film either. But it is passable entertainment for horror fans.

October 12, 2017 0

Dancing Thing (Masters of Horror: Dance of the Dead, 2005 & the Damned Thing, 2006)

The Masters of Horror series aired on Showtime. The Masters of Horror is a gathering of Horror Directors, it is a loose conglomerate of folks in the Horror community started by Mick Garris. The idea behind the show is various popular horror directors contributing a short horror film (an hour long or so). Admittedly, some directors were not primarily doing horror at this point (such as Joe Dante, who had not done a horror film in quite some time) or was not primarily known for horror (Session 9’s Brad Anderson). And noticeably missing was George Romero. But they did get John Carpenter for a good one and one really ham fisted political one.

Dance of the Dead

The fourth outing for Hooper and Englund, Dance of the Dead is a post apocalyptic story. After a generally society ending war, kids run around being hoodlums. A young woman, Peggy, works for her mom in a diner. Her sister appears to have a mysterious condition that makes her a pariah of sorts. She meets one of the “good” hoodlums. We know he is good because he respects her mother’s wishes and talks back to his friends.

Her mother believes that nobody is any good except her daughter, trust nobody else is her message.

The dead also walk in this wasteland. There are clean-up crews that gather them up and burn the animated bodies. But this is not the only use. Robert Englund is the Ringmaster of a club where they make the dead dance for entertainment. the club is the kind of post apocalyptic bondage club we have seen throughout sci-fi history. And there is nothing to set it apart. Englund has some fun with his role, but this film is not about him.

Dance of the Dead feels largely pointless, and takes forever to get going. In an hour long story, long slow scenes a re a death knell. If it is a satire or exploration of mankind’s darker tastes in entertainment…it sure misses that mark. Is it about teen rebellion? Rebelling against repression? Maybe. But the film feels largely empty and without meaning. And not in the darker meaningful sense where it is upsettings or subverting our expectations. It is simply cotton candy…and bland cotton candy at that.

The ending is very dark, and would have been really powerful had the set up been better.

The Damned Thing

The Damned Thing was written by classic sci-fi and horror writer Richard Matheson and based on a short story by Ambrose Bierce. Sheriff Kevin Reddle has a dark history. As a young boy, his father killed his mother and tried to kill him. Decades later he is married to Dina and they have a son. He secretly suspects there is an evil force that caused his dad to try and kill the family.

At first there is little proof, and he questions his own sanity. But as the town starts to experience aggressive outburst, Kevin becomes certain that there is a force, one that feeds on people’s fear and anger, turning them into violent killers.

Sean Patrick Flannery gives a good performance here, especially as Kevin sinks into the overwhelming power of the “Damned Thing”. Hooper shows the sparks of his stronger works here. He makes good use of the environment and his setup is very effective in making this one of those southern feeling horror tales with talks of generational curses and the like.

This is probably the strongest of all of Hooper’s later works.

October 12, 2017 0

Poe-Vision (Two Evil Eyes, 1990)

Two Evil Eyes is a double feature from George A. Romero and Italian horror icon Dario Argento. The two tales are Poe inspired tales The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar and The Black Cat.

Romero’s tale is a pretty straight forward. Jessica Valdemar married Ernest Valdemar for his riches. She has to keep him alive, but he is nearing death. She is trying to keep her affair with his doctor, Robert Hoffman, secret. Hoffman is a practitioner of hypnotism and has been hypnotizing Mr. Valdemar. He dies during one of these sessions, presenting a problem for Jessica. His will specified he must live to a certain date for her to inherit his money.

Jessica and Robert concoct a plan to freeze the body so they can claim he died after the necessary date. But there is a hitch. Valdemar may not be dead. Moans come from the basement freezer…and eventually they are able to converse with him. Mr. Valdemar warns of others who want to use him to get into our world. Robert is obsessed with learning more…and it is not meant to end well.

Argento’s the Black Cat follows crime scene photographer Roderick Usher. He is following a series of murders seemingly inspired by the stories of Edgar Allen Poe. Meanwhile, his girlfriend has adopted a stray feral cat. When he kills the cat in a fit of rage, in spite of lying about it, his girlfriend kicks him out, certain of his guilt. But the cat keeps coming back. What ends up playing out is a gruesome telltale heart story.

Both stories have a great cast of horror veterans. Harvey Keitel is particularly good as the unlikeable cat obsessed Usher. The Black Cat has far more unnecessary gore than Romero’s story, but overall, they both are fairly effective stories.

October 11, 2017 0

New In Town (Mortuary, 2005)

Denise Crosby is Leslie, recently widowed, has moved her family cross-country to a small California town. She has bought a local mortuary (right next to a graveyard). The Mortuary has a past and there is a lot of legend regarding the land it is built on.

As the tale goes, the first owner was a farmer who found nothing would grow on the land. It was as if the ground was cursed. Eventually, they built the mortuary and cemetery. The last owners had a dark history and a handicapped son. They hid the son away, and then when he got older, as the story goes, he killed his parents and hid beneath the cemetery.

Of course, something evil lives in the mortuary and it possesses people, turning them in zombies. It is up to her son Jonathan (Cougertown’s Dan Byrd) to stop the evil (with the help of his girlfriend) and save his little sister from the sinister force.

The plot is kind of a mess. What exactly are the evil force’s goals? Why is salt a perfect weapon? Is it some sort of slug? Why is it a terrible look digital monster? The characters are the under-developed stock character type and the film lacks any scares. This is pretty much a failure on every level.

October 11, 2017 0

Monkey Business (Monkey Shines, 1988)

Based on a novel by Michael Stewart, Monkey Shines is the tale of a quadriplegic man who given an enhanced monkey as his helper. Allen is an athlete who is left wheelchair-bound after a terrible accident. Initially, he is stuck with a rather unsympathetic nurse (who lets her parakeet fly around the house) named Maryanne. He struggles, and his girlfriend walks out on him (only to start dating the doctor who saved his life). His friend Jeffrey (a scientist experimenting with capuchin monkeys) and a trainer, Melanie, introduce him to Ella. A capuchin meant to perform tasks for Allan, she initially shows a great amount of intuitiveness, selecting music Allan would like to listen to. As time goes on, Allan and Melanie also start to build a romantic relationship, while he and Ella seem to be developing a deeper bond.

But as the story progresses, the bond seems to become more and more primal, thus more dangerous. Allen has visions of running around, at about the height of a monkey. As he gets agitated, so does Ella. And he starts talking about he and Ella as “We”.

While the film starts out shaky, with the initial accident looking almost comical, Romero quickly finds footing in Allen’s struggle with his new situation. The slow changes from where we see his temper growing shorter and shorter, combined with his growing paranoia over his connection to Ella is very effective. This is especially seen in his relationship with Maryanne, which rapidly deteriorates with the addition of Ella to the house.

Monkey Shines is a compelling thriller that should really be remembered more as one of Romero’s film canon.

October 10, 2017 0