Let’s Go Camping Part 7 (Friday the 13th: New Blood, 1988)

There was only one year the entire decade without a Friday the 13th movie released. 1987. But 1988 sure fixed that problem! Well, I gotta give them points for trying something a little different. Instead of a bunch of teen victims with nothing to help them, we get a girl with telekinetic powers.

The story opens with a backstory, in case this is your first Friday. And old man tells us that Jason is still down there…waiting. Then we meet a little girl whose parents are fighting. According to what we hear, daddy hits mommy. The little girl runs to her family’s doc and jumps into a boat with dad running out after her. He gets to the end of the dock, making all the apologies abusive dads do. But the little girl will have none of it and her super powers kick in…see, she makes water bubble…and that bubbling trail is deadly…it goes back the fancy dock. It starts to shake and then collapses, taking Daddy with it. He sinks to the bottom and dies.

Fast forward to when the girl (Tina) is older and apparently suffering from years of therapy. Her mother is driving her back to Crystal Lake, to confront her demons with the help of her psychiatrist. The actor playing the psychiatrist is none other than Bernie of the weekend of Bernie films. It’s pretty obvious early on he has sinister intentions, the film makes no attempts to hide that. Really,it would have been far more interesting if he was a good and caring doctor. Next door are a bunch of partying teens. Thankfully, we get a realistic portrayal of a group of teens this time around. Everyone knows that in each group of friends you have one rich, hot, bitchy girl. You have one geek. One dope smoking fiend. One or two “plain girls” who compete for one guy. And at least one really horny couple (this film gives us two glory hallelujeh!). And finally, you have the one guy who does not really like the others, a bit of a rebel, but with a heart of gold.

When Tina’s luggage bursts open, the rebel tries to help her, and she rudely brushes himself off. The obvious reaction is to be intrigued and assume it was your fault she was rude to you…and that’s exactly what he does. She ignores his attempts to give a shirt back to her, storming off into her house. So he WASHES it and gives it back to her. And invites her to the birthday party they are all there to celebrate. So she goes. Of course, hot, rich bitchy girl humiliates her and she runs outside. She stands on the dock, crying about her abusive dad. Wishing she had not killed him. She concentrates on the water and frees Jason. That makes two movies where Jason is set upon the world by the people who stop him. Good going.

She faints, Jason looks around, decides killing unconscious people is not very fun and goes off to kill awake people. We have death by fist, tree, tent spike, tree pruner, axe and the old fashioned head crush. There is even an homage to Jaws…which the director makes all about the T&A. This film actually has some of the most offensive “victims see Jason and wait for him to kill them” moments. This homage is the worst of them. Because when Jason bursts from the water about ten feet away, the girl’s response is to scream and tread wildly. Pretty soon Tina and her love interest, the Rebel with a Heart of Gold are all that’s left. But supergirl Tina and the Rebel with a heart of gold fight back. Well, supergirl Tina fights back, the Rebel with a Heart of Gold just gets thrown around…a lot. Finally, supergirl Tina makes the house blow up (will, it’s a bit more nuanced than that, but I don’t feel like giving a blow by blow account) with Jason inside. But Jason is not so easily dispatched and walks from the burning rubble out onto the dock where supergirl Tina and the Rebel with a Heart of Gold are resting up. Jason tosses him aside-yet again-and Tina starts to panic…suddenly something bursts from the dock and grabs Jason. Apparently, nobody thought it was a good idea to removed the body of her dead father all those years ago, and he actually looks quite good. He wraps chains around Jason and pulls him into the deep. The firemen and paramedics come along and everyone is safe. I love a happy ending.

There is a lot of fun in the fact that Tina is able to fight Jason, and there is a nice juxtaposition with her powers being mind based and Jason being a pure physical force. The special effects are quite strong for their time. This is not terribly surprising since Director John Carl Beuchler came from an effects background. This is one of the more energized films in the franchise.

This is Kane Hodder’s first time as Jason and he brings a lot of presence and physical character. His run in the Franchise is one of the high points.

BTW, Seven is the first film where the titles do not literally explode onto the screen. 1-6 all featured the words “Friday the 13th” which were then obliterated by the subtitle flying up from behind.

October 8, 2015 0

Lets Go Camping Part 6 (Friday the 13th: Jason Lives, 1986)

The new title is Jason Lives. Which is a bit of a misleading title. After all, I am not sure a walking corpse fits the definition of “living”. The story once again involves crazy Tommy Jarvis who is now a little talkier and tough than in # 5. And less homicidal. Apparently, he got the help he needed and did not become Jason II. Really, six ignores five entirely. For all intents and purposes, this Tommy is a completely new character.

Part six actually marks a turning point. This is when intentional humor started to be added to the series. It seems as though they knew they had milked the basic formula to death and had to alter it ever so slightly. It is the beginning of the “Let’s throw it at the wall and see what sticks” era. And I think it helps make the later films more enjoyable.

The story begins with Crazy Tommy and his pal from the institution Arnold Horshack (yeah, from Welcome Back Cotter) speeding down a country road. Tommy needs to prove to himself that Jason is dead. So he goes to the cemetery. Jason has been given a real night plot of land. As they start to dig, the wind picks up. Tommy gets to the box that Jason is buried in. After prying it open, we find Jason is decomposing and near mummified. But still covered in maggots. That’s pretty good since he was in the ground for, what, ten years? Well, Tommy still can’t believe it, so he takes a metal post and stabs Jason with it repeatedly (all while a storm brews overhead). Tommy climbs out of the hole just as lightning strikes-TWICE- in the metal post lodged into Jason’s chest. Apparently, lightning can regenerate dried out eyes, because Jason starts scanning his location. Tommy jumps down and covers Jason in gasoline. As he jumps out of the Grave, Jason spryly jumps up and grabs him. As you can imagine, this freaks Horshack out. But he need not worry. Jason kills him quickly. Tommy runs away and Jason decides to go home.

Number six marks the first and last time the series returns to the camp counselors in danger motif. This time, however, the counselors live long enough for the kids to arrive. Tommy runs to the police to tell them that Jason lives. The police totally believe him and they hunt Jason down and trap him in the lake. Heh. Just kidding. The police never believe young people in movies. No they get mad at Tommy and threaten to kill him. But the police Chief’s hot blonde daughter (Jennifer Cooke in her last role according to the IMDB) thinks he might not be crazy. It’s to bad for her friends she can’t convince her dad. Jason starts killing all the counselors. It’s all pretty routine Jason stuff there.

Jason stalks and kills. One thing I have noticed about Crystal Lake…the doors on all the houses are not very strong. They routinely burst open from gusts of wind. And man, Crystal Lake is like, super prone to either heavy rains or super windy days. So Tommy and the Hot Blonde get out to the camp and find the empty squad cars. Jason has killed everyone but daddy the chief and the kids. The Chief has a bizarre confrontation with Jason. He shoots him with a big ass rifle. And it knocks Jason down. But he gets up again. The Chief shoots again, Jason gets knocked down, but gets up again. And another shot. Jason gets knocked down, but gets up again. Clearly, nothin’ is gonna keep him down. Jason starts walking toward the Chief who throws the big ass rifle away and opts for the far deadlier pistol he carries. Which does far less damage, but you never know. Jason breaks him in half. Yup. You heard me.

Jason finds the Hot Blonde and gets ready to use his patented “Head Crush Fatality” on her. But Tommy saves the day. He calls out to Jason, and Jason, like a homicidal puppy follows. Jason marches into the lake, disappearing into the depths. He leaps up onto the boat, they struggle and Tommy times a chain around Jason’s neck. Jason body slams the boat cracking it in half. He and Tommy sink to the bottom. Jason holds on to Tommy until he appears dead. Then he lets Tommy float to the surface.

The Hot Blonde is worried when she sees the lifeless body of Tommy bobbing on the surface. So she swins out to get him. Apparently the deepest Crystal Lake gets is about twelve feet, as Jason easily grabs her foot while he is chained to the bottom. She grabs at the motor of the boat Jason smashed, as it is one of those floating motors that will not sink if you drop it into the water. She grinds Jason’s mask and head up with the rotary blade and he lets go. She gets Tommy back to the shore, performs CPR-just like on Baywatch-and Tommy survives, everyone is happy. Cue Alice Cooper song and roll credits.

As noted, overall, it is pretty routine. However, director Tom Mcoughlin pulls off some generally nice and moody visuals. Such as a shot that follows a counselor walking through the girls cabin. Just out of her sight, following outside is Jason. And there are some genuinely funny jokes (one kid turns to another and asks “So what were you going to be when you grew up?”.

This is far more entertaining than the last, but still follows the main conventions of a Jason Movie.

October 7, 2015 0

Let’s Go Camping Part 5 (Friday the 13th V: A New Beginning,1985)

I like to think of this film as the “Scooby Doo” version of Friday the 13th movies. It picks up with little Tommy (Corey Feldman!) walking in the rain. He stumbles through the woods and comes upon the grave of Jason. Suddenly, two hooligans come into the clearing and do the things hooligans do. You know, dig up the graves of mass murderers and stuff. But boy do they get a shock. Jason gets up out of his grave and kills them. And worse-he sees Tommy! So he starts to chase him. Finally Jason catches up and lifts his machete and WAIT! It was all a nightmare! Tommy has grown up to look nothing like Corey Feldman. Tommy (Not Corey Feldman!) has apparently been in and out of institutions over the years. Apparently cutting someone up into pieces can make you unstable. Who knew?

So he gets transferred to a halfway house for troubled teens. And boy are they troubled. There is the kid who stutters. The red headed girl. The fat kid. The punk/goth chick. The horny couple. The black kid (to be fair, he is the groundskeeper’s grandson). Oh, and the crazy, homicidal axe wielding angry kid. The last guy gets annoyed with the fat kid when the fat kid offers him a chocolate bar. So he does the reasonable thing and chops him up into little pieces.

And the poor dead fat kid. There is no one to mourn him, because no one likes fat kids. His mother died and nobody knows who his father is. Well, the paramedics come and haul him away. There is additional trouble in that the local angry hick and her son keep harassing the Halfway house residents threatening to kill them. But she is okay, she is just eccentric, right?

So, as the time passes, people start getting killed by a hockey masked killer. Has Jason returned?! Tommy thinks so, he sees Jason everywhere. And so do Jason’s victims. Lots of beheading, impaling and other gruesome deaths ensue. That wacky Jason. But hey, people are starting to suspect Tommy. Tommy does not talk much, and we all know people who are quiet are cauldrons of homicidal rage (you did know that…RIGHT?).

Pretty soon Jason has offed everyone but the black kid, Tommy and the Hot Woman in charge of the halfway house. Now, normally, the minority is dead by this point, luckily for him he is about thirteen, meaning he gets to live. So he and the Hot Woman find all the dead bodies and then see Jason, who they think is really Tommy. Jason tries to kill them, but they are pretty crafty. Finally, Jason chases them into one of the many generic barns on Crystal Lake. And boy are they shocked…Tommy walks up. MAYBE IT IS JASON!!! Maybe Tommy is right.

He has an old fashioned stare down with Jason. Of course, since Jason is wearing a hockey mask, he could be blinking a mile a minute. But Tommy will never know. Jason finally tries to kill Tommy with his machete. Jason has pretty bad aim all of the sudden, and nicks Tommy. Tommy runs and climbs the ladder in the barn. Jason follows them up to the hay loft for a battle royal. He rushes after the Hot Woman and she dodges and causes him to fly over the edge. Everyone is relived as they sit close to the edge of the door. SHOCK! Jason grabs the leg of the black kid. Threatening to take the kid with him, Jason now seems to have a chance. But not if Tommy has anything to say about it. He takes the machete and chops off Jason’s arm. Jason falls to his death, getting impaled on some farm equipment. That’s when we see he is one of the paramedics who wheeled away the fat kid.

See, it turns out that he was the fat kids father, and this sent him into a homicidal rage. Oh, sure, he could not be counted on to be a parent, but dammit, don’t hurt his flesh and blood. And he would totally have gotten away with it if not for those pesky kids.

The film is an attempt to restart the series, but it did not excite fans to find out Jason was not Jason. And beyond that twist (which it is hard to be a real twist when it could not be Jason) there is nothing fresh here. Unlike previous entries (where Jason’s look keeps changing…in two he has long stringy hair. In three? Completely bald) there is no real continuity to worry about, yet they do not take advantage of this. Instead everything is by the numbers. The film lacks any imagination.

The film ends, just as part four did, with the suggestion that Tommy is the new Jason. But don’t worry…

October 7, 2015 0

Lets Go Camping Part 4 (Friday the 13th: the Final Chapter, 1984)

Part four has my all time favorite sequel subtitle. The Final Chapter. You know how many Friday the 13th movies there are? Ten. Eleven if you count the Freddy/Jason movie. And number four is the final chapter. So everything after that is apparently an addendum. Sure, other movies have had a “final” movie that was not so final. Freddy’s Dead: the Final Nightmare. The Omen 3: the Final Conflict. Children of the Corn 2: the Final Sacrifice. But I believe the Friday the 13th Series has the distinction of doing this twice. And most of those films only got one or two sequels after the “Final” sequel (the exception is Children of the Corn 2. If you think I will sit through those you are sadly mistaken. I know my limits). So I love the title.

Plus, this movie has all the things people love to see in movies. A precocious kid (Corey Feldman!), hot twins and a dog. Oh, and Crispin Glover.

Our story picks up directly after Part 3. Jason still appears to be dead. Apparently, when the two squad cars left the body of Jason unattended, they called in SWAT, the army, the Guardian Angels and paramedics. So they bring Jason to the morgue. Apparently they don’t question the appearance of death on Crystal Lake. He’s not hacking at you with a machete. Must be dead. So of course he gets up and kills the morgue attendant and his girlfriend nurse. Apparently they assume he is dead without checking as well.

We then jump to the next morning. In spite of the death toll in Crystal Lake, it appears people still feel safe living there (this marks the second film to diverge from the camp counselor theme). A single mom, her teen daughter and pre-teen son (Corey Feldman!) all live by the lake. The son is a special effects genius, which is totally not that hard to buy. After all, it’s totally plausible that a ten year old kid is making elaborate latex masks and high tech special effects, right? What else is there to do when you live next to a lake? They meet a group of kids who are staying at the house next door. Mostly more realistic teens who talk about nothing but sex and have skinny dipping parties in front of the kid (Corey Feldman!). See, the kid (Corey Feldman!) is kind of a perv. We get the point when he is in bed and looks out the window to see one of the hot girls next door remove her shirt. He does not just watch. He starts slamming his face into a pillow and laughing excitedly. And jumping on the bed. He’s a little horndog, that kid (Corey Feldman!).

Then the kid’s (Corey Feldman!) older sister meets a bounty hunter, well, we don’t know that yet. But eventually we find out he is there to kill Jason. If you have seen the first three movies, you know where that is going. He is kind of the teenage girl’s romantic interest. He appears to be about thirty one. Nothing creepy about that. As soon as it gets dark, Jason gets his kill on. The director tries new things in horror. Well, one new thing. Instead o a nubile beauty being killed in the shower, it’s a pretty boy. A young Johnny Depp type (Before we knew what a Johnny Depp Type was). Of course, the girl he showered with still dies.

It’s all pretty routine. Although there are the attempts at humor. Crispin Glover yells out for a corkscrew to open a bottle of whine and Jason plunges it through his hand. Bwahahahahaha! The bounty hunter guy gets killed in the basement. Then we are down to the Sole Survivor and her kid brother (Corey Feldman!). She is alone in the house running into dead bodies. She opens one door and there is a body laying on the porch. Apparently that dead body is booby trapped, because the Sole Survivor does not dare walk around it, she instead slams the door and runs around the house looking for a way out-eventually using a window. She runs back home and shuts the door. That will show Jason. They are safe now in the house with lots of big…windows…aw crap. Jason jumps in and chases the youngins’ up the stairs. Remember, Jason ain’t dead yet, he can still run.

The Sole Survivor keeps telling her kid brother (Corey…oh you get the point) to get out of the house. Other than that she screams a lot. It’s really weird, because it isn’t natural sounding at all. She looks left, and screams. Looks right and screams. Looks at Jason and screams. Looks at her agent and screams. Then she turns and run down the hall and leaps through a window. That’ll teach Jason. The kid is hiding in the bathroom shaving his head. That’s what kids did in those days. Jason went down stairs to check on the Sole Survivor who is, indeed, alive. But not for long, Jason starts pushing her around and is ready to kill her when the kid starts yelling for Jason. He turns around to see the kid, now really bald, looking at him on the stairs. This confuses Jason. In part two it was established that Jason can’t tell his dead mother apart from a blonde college girl if she wears mom’s sweater. Apparently, if Jason sees a bald kid, he might think it’s himself standing there. Yeah, Jason is kind of stupid.

The Sole Survivor grabs Jason’s machete and runs up from behind, swings and…knocks Jason’s hockey mask off. Yeah. Anti climactic, I know. Jason looks completely different from the third film, in spite of the fact that it is a lousy whole day and a half later. Jason reaches for her, which gives the kid the moment he needs. He grabs the machete and swings and unlike his sister actually has the ability to HIT his target. He plants the machete deep in Jason’s skull. Jason stumble and then falls face first to the ground. This allows the machete to go deeper. This insures that we see Jason is d-e-a-d. There is no way he is ever coming back. So the Sole Survivor is technically not the sole survivor. The movie ends with the two hugging in the hospital (we have a first, the last girl alive doesn’t flip out in this one, folks!). How sweet…well, until they cut to the close up of the kid with that homicidal gleam in his eye.

Oh, and whoever owns the rights to the Friday the 13th franchise, take note. Corey Feldman (!) makes it clear he wants to pull a Jamie Lee Curtis and return to the franchise for a battle to the death against Jason. Which is tough to do, since if you do the Halloween: H2O thing, you ignore the sequels that came after your film. Which means Jason is still dead. Oh, what is that you were saying, Mr. Franchise Owner? You had no interest in doing that? Glad to hear it.

October 6, 2015 0

Lets Go Camping Part 3D (Friday the 13th Part 3, 1982)

Part three is in 3-D and you know what that means… long drawn out scenes with people pushing things towards the camera. They dump the plot of camp counselors trying to reopen the camp this time around. Instead, it’s a group of friends going to Dana Kimmell’s cabin. Dana is unsure about returning to the cabin, because a crazy man attacked her there. You won’t be surprised to learn it was Jason, since they are at the infamous Crystal Lake So we get a bunch a college students hanging out in a cabin. Not much happens, as Jason holds out on killing the kids until late into the film. His first victims are a couple that run a general store and then some pissed off bikers who are angry at the college kids for running over their bikes in 3-D.

One by one they are knocked off and Jason gets a hold of his famous hockey Mask, which he steals from one of his victims. We are left with the Lone Survivor who fights Jason in a barn. She knocks him out and puts a noose around his neck., then kicks him over the edge hanging him. Thank God that’s over. So she climbs down the ladder and goes to open the barn door. She is shocked when Jason wakes up and proceeds to set himself free. So they fight, suddenly, one of the bikers we assumed dead leaps out of the shadows and-is quickly killed by Jason. But this gives our plucky Sole Survivor the moment she needs to grab an axe and plant it in Jason’s skull. He staggers and falls.

The Sole Survivor goes out in the dark and gets in a boat. She falls asleep, and then wakes up in the morning when the boat bumps into a submerged branch. Then she gets a scare when a duck flies by. Then her boat gets stuck on a bigger submerged branch. Then, she looks to the cabin by the shore…who is looking at her from a Window? An overly excited Jason! He comes bursting through the door and the Sole Survivor starts panicking and trying to get her boat free, then she looks back. The door is still on its hinges, Jason was not really there. Whew! Suddenly from behind, a decaying Pamela Voorhees leaps from the water (somehow managing to get her head back on her body between movies) to grab our Sole Survivor. But WAIT! She’s just gone crazy. The cops have her. Now, noone tried to call the police in the film, but being the Crystal Lake area, I guess they figure you can never be to careful, so they randomly check cabins for slaughtered counselors. They put the crazy Sole Survivor in the back seat as she babbles about a lady in the lake(are we seeing a trend here?). The cops never search the barn, since that is where they would actually find the body of Jason with axe still firmly implanted in his skull. The best part of the movie? The hilarious theme for the opening and closing credits.

The lone survivor girl being a bit crazy at the end of each film is starting to get tiring. The film has a cast of pretty people and the lone loser who they put up with. The character is to obnoxious to be sympathetic, which seems to be the opposite of what they were going for. It is clear he is supposed to be a love-able schlub.

The 3D is not effective at all, and the outdated 3D leaves us with a ton of boring footage that was supposed to startle the audience. The third film does not breath life into the franchise, just keeps it chugging along.

Oh yeah. In Part 2, Jason has long stringy hair and a beard. Part 3 takes place literally hours after the second film. In this film, he is clean shaven and bald. Stopped at the barber I guess.

October 6, 2015 0

Let’s Go Camping Part 2 (Friday the 13th Part 2, 1981)

Part two shows us that Jason is still alive and stomping around Camp Crystal Lake, killing random people. Mainly folks no one would miss, you know, like the town sheriff and the Official Crazy Old Guy from the first film. Initially, Jason leaves Camp Crystal Lake to kill the Sole Survivor of the first film. After what she did to dear old ma-beheading her and all. Due to low property value, Camp Blood has remained closed in the five years since the first film. Luckily for fans of slasher films, there is another camp on the same lake. Again, a variety of attractive young counselors are killed in gruesome ways. Jason runs around with a potato sack over his head, which frankly is not all that scary, nor as iconic as the hockey mask. But the Sole Survivor of the film finds Jason’s shack where he keeps Ma’s severed head and her sweater. She puts on the sweater and convinces Jason she is his mother. Because, you know, they look so much alike. She almost is done in by Jason but is saved by her boyfriend. She returns the favor by putting an axe or a machete (I forgot which already) into the back of Jason’s knap-sacked skull. The two lovebirds go back to the camp. They go into the main cabin and suddenly there is a scratch at the door. They get ready for a fight and open the door and it’s “the cutest dog in the world” that went missing earlier in the film! While people can stomach its short shorts wearing owner being butchered, killing the puppy, that would make Jason some kind of sicko.

Suddenly, in slow motion a deformed Jason leaps through a big glass window and grabs the Sole Survivor. And she wakes of screaming on a stretcher asking where her boyfriend is. Which no one answers. Inexplicably, he is just gone. But hey, what kind of Jason movie would end without a Sole Surviving Girl babbling incoherently?

The film follows its prescribed formula that will set the story for the series. People show up, Jason kills them…cause why not? Amy Steel is a strong protagonist, but the overall story is not very compelling.

One thing that makes no sense. Jason did not drown. But it is clear in the first film Pamela Voorhees clearly believes Jason is dead. So, if Jason survived the drowning…in all those years he never tracked her down? And yet he loves her enough to keep her head on a table in a run down shack?

*Updated to correct a factual error regarding the film’s timeline.

October 5, 2015 0

Lets Go Camping Part 1 (Friday the 13th, 1980)

After the success of Halloween, filmmakers everywhere wanted to cash in with a holiday themed horror film. Sean Cunningham and his friends had made a kids movie previous, but thought they could make a cheap horror movie and rake in the cash.

Sean Cunningham is a bright guy. They chose Friday the 13th…which had little to do with the plot. They came up with an idea for a tale and started work.

So, the film begins with what has become standard in horror, two counselors sneak off to have some sex. While they are doing that, someone walks into the room and startles them. We don’t see the killer, because it is supposed to be a mystery, see. With a twist no less. Now, unlike it’s predecessor Halloween, which had it’s twist in the first five minutes, Friday the 13th draws it out. We jump ahead to modern times (well, 1980). And Camp Crystal Lake is getting re-opened. One of the counselors has apparently hitch-hiked her way there (oh, the carefree days of the late seventies and early eighties). She walks into a small town diner with, like, six locals. She asks which way to Camp Crystal Lake. The room goes, predictably, silent. And then the locals call it Camp Blood. Scary, huh? Finally a trucker offers to drive her there, since he is going that way anyhow. As the are getting in the truck they are stopped by the small town’s official Crazy Old Guy. He warns the girl that she is going to die. Her and all the other counselors. The trucker brushes him off as the Crazy Old Guy. Which is funny, because after a few miles; the trucker suddenly switches gears and becomes the Official Crazy Trucker. He starts going on about how bad of an idea it is to re-open Camp Blood and that she could be in danger. She gets out of the truck and starts to walk.

As it turns out, the two crazy guys were not so crazy. She gets picked up by a person in a jeep. We don’t see this person, and I am guessing they are not wearing a hockey mask, since the girl gets in the jeep. But finally, the girl gets freaked out by the fact that the camera keeps looking at her. So she leaps from the jeep and starts to run. The jeep stops and the camera gets out and follows her. Then the camera catches up and slits her throat. The real bummer here is that she is the camp cook.

The rest of the counselors get there without getting impaled with sharp objects. And then you have hijinks. It’s not terribly interesting for awhile. College kids chat, flirt and go off into the woods by themselves to get killed. We get more of the back story of Camp Blood in this portion of the film. The guy re-opening the camp-apparently the son of the original owners-explains a bit as do other characters in the know. Some kid (Jason) drowned a few years back and shortly after two counselors were found dead. Apparently, parents were a bit squeamish about sending their kids to such a camp.

Then a storm hits and that allows the killer to go crazy. Finally, it’s down to the Lone Survivor and the killer…and that’s when we discover, the killer is the crazy old lady whose son drowned years ago! Jason’s mother Pamela went a little loopy and started to kill people to get the camp closed all those years ago and now she is at it again! So they duke it out, all the while, Mrs. Voorhees talking to her dead son-kind of Norman Bates style.

Even though actress Betsy Palmer thought the script was a steaming pile of crap and took the job because she figured the movie would quickly be forgotten, she does a solid job as Mrs. Voorhees. Outside of a final jump scare, Jason was a cautionary tale for counsellors to be responsible in this first film. He is not a living character.

It is a decently made low budget film, and the effects are quite good. The script is the weakest link. The film is a bit slow and clunky at points, but can be effective at times as a thriller.

October 5, 2015 0

Every Town Has an Elm Street Part 8 (A Nightmare On Elm Street, 2010)

The best two things about the reboot of Nightmare on Elm Street? Jackie Earl Haley and the opening credits.

Otherwise, as with other recent franchise rebooting remakes it is pretty by the numbers. It jumps in quick, and a bit disjointedly. Kids apparently hang out late night en mass at the diner where Nancy works. A kid falls asleep and then appears to kill himself. The kids go to the funeral and it’s off to the next death. This is inspired by the highly effective sequence in the original where Tina dies in bed with her boyfriend. But where that was gritty and uncomfortable and painful…this sequence feels safely faked.

While the police are quick to arrest the boyfriend of the dead girl, he gets a chance to warn Nancy. Unlike the original, the kids figure out instantly that if you die in your dream you for realz! The first movie had Nancy and Glenn (Johnny Depp) trying to determine the truth of the situation, but not sure they could trust Tina’s boyfriend. Here it’s no challenge and they are on their way to figuring out the truth about Freddy.

Kids die, but it is hard to care, because they lack distinctive identities. Though, in one well written moment, after destroying a kids heart, Freddy gently explains that a brain can function for seven minutes after the heart stops. Freddy notes, with relish, that they still have six minutes to play. End scene. And had the entire film played out like this? It would have been one of the most unnerving films of the year.

After all, Jackie Earl Haley makes Freddy menacing. At no point is he campy-even when delivering a typical Freddy-esque line. Haley was perfect casting, and yet, he is working with a cast that is Twilight-lite. Sure, you have good character actors in the adult roles (always nice to see Clancy Brown in a movie). But much like another remake of a Wes Craven Film (The Last House On the Left) the improved effects and technology results in a glossy and less effective film.

One thing that stood out was the trailer suggested Freddy was possibly an innocent victim, and while the film briefly flirts with this, it quickly makes it clear that Freddy was a child molester. Not a child killer, mind you.

Frankly, I think I would have given the film more credit had Freddy been an innocent. If Freddy had been a kind and gentle man who loved kids, only to be killed by a mob of angry folks whose righteous anger was fueled by a falsehood that led to the cruel death of a decent man… and that action created a monster worse than what they thought they were ridding the world of? That would have been a rather daring take on the character.

But instead, the filmmakers go for gloss and a safe veneer. Unlike the Friday the 13th remake (I’ll discuss that one later), the film is more conservative in things like gore and nudity. This of course is not really a bad thing, they tried a less exploitation fueled approach, and I would have applauded them for it had they made a more effective film. But instead, it just makes it clear what a bland approach was taken here.

I mentioned the opening credits, and they are downright beautiful and artistic. We see shadows of children playing, hands stretched to mimic Freddy’s infamous claws. It’s highly effective imagery and a real shame that the new film could not match up to it’s opening credits.

October 4, 2015 0

Every Town Has an Elm Street part 7 (Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, 1994)

So…Freddy’s Dead ended the franchise on a disappointing and sour note. Three years later, Freddy was back.

Sort of. As far as Wes Craven’s New Nightmare is concerned? It is outside the continuity of the six films that came before it. Wes Craven crafted a clever horror film with thrills and also a philosophically challenging work of Meta fiction. What does horror do to the people who create it? How does it impact the people who watch it? What separates the real from the fantasy? Wes Craven returned to make a horror film to make you think.

I must admit that I just cannot take the snarky tone I did for the other sequels. I really want to avoid spoilers as well, because of the entire series, this is the most clever and really worth giving a watch.

When New Line brought Wes back as writer and director, they did not stand in his way, and with clear reason. What Craven delivered was intelligent, scary, chilling and exciting. The film opens to reveal there is a new Nightmare film being made. Heather Langenkamp (as herself) is not initially aware of it, because her special effects man husband has kept it hush-hush. Heather is invited on a talk show where she meets up with Bob Shaye (former head of New Line, again playing himself) who tries to sell her on coming back to the role of Nancy. She declines, but starts to find her world seemingly encroached upon by Freddy. And it seems to be impacting her young son.

Craven explains that the original series tapped into an ancient evil. It’s an evil that is kept at bay by being the inspiration in stories. Apparently, it became very attached to Freddy, and the only way to cage the beast is for Craven to tell a new story. He explains it much better in the film. Heather finds herself going head to head with the Freddy monster (who is more beefed up and ominous than in pervious films-his claw is a boney extension-resembling the movie posters of earlier Elm Street films- and he wears a flowing trench coat) in several confrontations that culminate with a final battle in Freddy’s lair (which is a fantastic looking set).

Part of what works so well is that most of the cast is playing themselves (Langenkamp’s husband and son are fictional and portrayed by David Newsom and Miko Hughes-you might recognize him as the creepy little kid in Pet Cemetary). Some are even duel roles (Robert Englund plays himself and Krueger, John Saxon plays himself and Don Thompson from the first and third films). The effects are really nicely done, as is the set design. Well worth renting. Heck, Roger Ebert gave it three out of four stars.

October 4, 2015 0

Every Town Has an Elm Street Part 6 (Freddy’s Dead: the Final Nightmare, 1991)

You know…the movie poster claims they saved the best for last. I am not sure in what weird coked up world this would qualify as the best. You see apparently, the sixth and final movie in the seven movie (eight if you count Freddy Vs Jason) series originally carried on from the fifth film. It would focus on Alice’s son Jacob (now sixteen) and would have seen the return of Kincaid, Joey and Taryn (from the Dream Warriors) as Dream Police. According to director Rachel Talalay, this was not a good script and the new script that gave us the final product “saved the day.” Seriously, that original script had to be incredibly bad for this movie to have “saved the day.”

Oh, I’m sorry; I may have tainted your view of the film a bit unfairly. The film we got begins with the Last Kid in Springwood, called (rather creatively) John Doe (Shon Greenblatt) trying to outwit Freddy Krueger in a series of nightmares. In the end, Freddy hits him with a bus, which does not kill the kid, it just shoots him out of Springwood. This leaves him an amnesiac that ends up in a youth shelter run by Dr. Maggie Burroughs (Lisa Zane) and Doc (Yaphet Kotto).

Maggie discovers some clippings referring to Springwood, and thinks it might help John if they visit. On their way, they discover three stowaways trying to ditch the youth shelter. Spencer (Breckin Meyer) who would rather sit around smoking weed and playing video games than live up to his dad’s yuppie lifestyle, Tracy (Lezlie Deane) who was molested by her father and Carlos (Rickie Dean Logan) whose parents beat him severely enough that he was left deaf. Yeah, which one of the three is not like the others?

Once they get to Springwood, they run into its scary citizenry…such as Tom & Roseanne Arnold. There are no children, just adults in a Freddy obsessed psychosis. Little known fact, in 1492, Freddy Krueger discovered America. Anyways, unable to leave Springwood, the kids enter an abandoned house. Guess whose?

Once in the house (yes, Freddy and Nancy Thompson’s old home), the kids start falling asleep. The dreams are so over the top in this one, they kind of make the previous films look like they lacked imagination. You have Spencer killed in an old school video game (almost like a lame version of Donkey Kong) and Carlos killed via blades scraping a chalkboard. While this is happening, John and Maggie have been doing some research. Apparently, Freddy had a kid who was taken away from him. John suddenly realizes he is Freddy’s. I mean, Freddy has not actually killed him, it must be true. Freddy would not have any other motive to let John live…right?

Oh, you are so wrong…as John finds out when he tries to save Spencer. John finds out he was merely a pawn to get Freddy’s real kid back to Springwood…his daughter. Guess who his daughter is…go on…guess! Yup! It’s Doc! Okay, just kidding. It’s Maggie (since she is the only woman in the movie long enough to qualify as a central character who is remotely close to being of age to be Freddy’s kid)! And as she and Tracy drive home, they shatter the barrier and set Freddy free.

Freddy, it turns out, is almost as powerful as God. When Maggie and Tracy return, no one can remember Spencer, Carlos or John Doe. Freddy has wiped all memory of them from existence. Except for one other person; that other person would be Doc. See, Doc is in touch with his dreams, see, and he can, like, totally control them. This will come in handy, and makes it much easier to convince him that there is mad man killing persons in their dreams.

Freddy comes to Maggie in a dream and reveals he is her father. Freddy then thanks her for helping him get out of the boundaries of Springwood. Yeah, total thanks, Maggie…thanks for loosing the crazed dream killer on the world!

In the meantime, Doc has done some research into mythology. Apparently that did not work, so he makes up mythology about Dream Demons who keep helping bring Freddy back. They devise a plan that includes Maggie pulling Freddy from the dream world into the real world (that again?!). But first she has to find Freddy-which involved entering his mind. Yeah, it makes as much sense while you are watching it. This sequence occurred in 3-D, which just never worked when I watched the DVD with the 3-D glasses at home. I should try it with the hi-def TV. But I digress, this was a good nine to ten years after the 3-D fad had died out. I mean, Jaws 3-D, Friday the 13th 3-D and Amityville 3-D were all between 1982 and 1983. I thought New Line was a bit more forward thinking.

So, we get to see Freddy’s sad pathetic life. Like when the kids teased him as the son of a hundred maniacs. It’s not like he did anything wrong, well, other than bludgeoning the class pet to death. And then there is Alice Cooper. I am a fan, so I will give the abusive step father memory a pass. Then Maggie has all sorts of happy family memories flood back to her, for instance, that one time? When her dad Freddy totally killed her mom because she found out Fred was killing little kids? I mean, look at it from Freddy’s side, folks. She totally was being nosy and not letting him have his guy time!

Freddy tries to win Maggie over, which can’t be that hard for a murdering sociopath, but she stays strong and pulls Freddy into the real world. Fred dukes it out with Maggie, Tracy and Doc. Maggie manages to stab Freddy in the gut with his own claw, which I guess is supposed to be poetic. Then she jams a lit pipe bomb in Freddy’s chest. She gives him a kiss and runs away. Freddy’s last words? “Kids…” Okay, that is really just a “last word”.

OK, I will grant that this is a nice inversion of the franchise rules. If Freddy dies in the waking world, he is dead in the dream world. So, the film has a brief moment of clever success. And it has one of my favorite lines of the series. After Freddy gets free from Springwood, he says to Maggie, “Every town has an Elm Street.” The film might-and I repeat- might make for good “get together with friends and mock without mercy” movie night… but that may also be overly generous.

October 3, 2015 0