Baked Goods Part 7 (American Pie Presents tBook of Love, 2009)

The seventh film in the franchise attempts to right the sails by focusing on a new set of young men. There is still a Stifler, but he is the bad guy and foil of the lead and his buddies. Rob (Bug Hall) and his pals Nathan and Lube (really, the nicknames in the middle part of this franchise are terrible) discover the titular Book of Love. This plot device is actually something from the first film. It is a tome that guys added their own experiences to and it supposed to spill the secrets on how to get girls in to bed and how to drive them wild.

The boys try to make the book work to their favor, but everything keeps backfiring. Rob really want to just make things work out with his best friend Heidi (2 Broke Girls’ Beth Behrs). He wants to date her bad, but she is focused on wanting to just lose her virginity.

Eventually, something happens to the book, so the boys set about recreating it with the help of Mr. Levenstein and a host of “Special Appearances by” that really seem to not come together. I mean, technically, they all had roles in notable college/high school films such as Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Soul Man and Revenge of the Nerds…but none of those really come to mind when they appear.

While the early films had embarrassments like being caught by parents masturbating, the Book of Love writers really up the ante…and not for the better. Rob is caught by his little brother getting pleasured by the family dog (accidentally) which goes viral, because his brother filmed it (!). Would this really be something that a kid face minor ribbing at school? Rob seems to bounce back from every humiliation quite well. And the film mines Moose rape for comedic purposes. Because a guy getting raped by an amorous moose is just hysterical.

The film throws in bizarre plot developments. After Rob and Heidi confess they are really into each other, she suddenly decides to lose her virginity to Stifler for…reasons? The storyline with Rob’s friend Lube is a tired trope in which the schlep desires the top sexy cheerleader. Listen, the less attractive person who wins over the attractive person can be done well…and it happens in real life. But it is also ridiculously overplayed in male fantasy.

Like other films in the series, women behave in improbable ways, because the creators really do not put much thought into the female characters. They mainly are whatever the need to be for the scene. So, for instance, Ashley (the previously mentioned cheerleader) is a mean girl who humiliates Rob. In another she is just the misunderstood girl who can be won over by Lube.

The film tries to bring back the charms of the original, but the characters are not up to the task. The film often overshoots and the result is another disappointment.

March 16, 2016 0

Baked Goods Part 6 (American Pie Presents Beta House, 2007)

This continues the story of Erik Stifler. And the Stifler-centric nature of things continues to not favor the franchise. This film hammers home what crappy people the Stifler Family Tree is…it appears almost every branch is rotten. Erik’s biggest struggle in life is not living up to the Stifler name. He is not good at partying or getting laid. Early in the film, his father (Christopher McDonald) provides a list of all the women he has had sex with. Erik is startled to see the list does not end with his mom. Cause nothing is good for a laugh like implying he is a terrible husband. Erik’s friend even notices his mom’s name is on the list. The Stiflers are terrible people. Why does Erik want to measure up to that? But he has no girlfriend now, so he can have a romantic interest at college in his co-ed dorms.

He joins his cousin Dwight in the Beta House and this is where the real sto-oh who am I kidding. There is no “Real Story”. It is just more cheap excuses for nudity, because that is all that happens at frat houses according to movies.

The loose plot is how the Beta House Frat Bros are being threatened by the powerful Nerds on campus. Seriously.

The film lacks any strong jokes, and at this point, I am embarrassed for Eugene Levy, and Mr. Levenstein’s strongest traits are missing entirely from the film. The film simply recycles gags from a variety of frat movie stereotypes, and reversing the Revenge of the Nerds dynamic is not creative enough to make the story remotely fresh.

Again, the same criticisms of Naked Mile appear here. It has the same problematic treatment of it’s female characters. They are empty and are used primarily for titillation. The guys only fare slightly better in that they are absurd stereotypes of college guys.

March 15, 2016 0

Baked Goods Part 5 (American Pie Presents the Naked Mile, 2006)

So, the Franchise continues, and it moves into full focus on the Stifler family. Not the Stiflers we know and put up with…but Steve and Matt’s cousin Erik (John White). Erik is trying to get his girlfriend Tracy (Jessy Schram) to give up her virginity. But Erik has a problem. He is not a total jerk like his cousins. He actually likes his girlfriend. But not so much that when she gives him a free pass for a weekend he does not refuse to take advantage of it.

He and his buddies are about to graduate so they go to visit a college campus. There they hang out with Erik’s popular crazy Frat living cousin Dwight (Steve Talley). They stay at the Beta House, meet women and have all sorts of shenanigans culminating in the Naked Mile. Which was started decades before as a form of protest by Jim’s Dad ,Mr. Levenstein. He still runs it, but now it is an excuse to see attractive women run the campus naked and have a huge frat party afterwards.

Which all leads to Erik realizing how much he loves Tracy and does not care if she is not ready to have sex. He is totally cool with waiting if that is what she needs. Don’t worry, his new found respect won’t have to hold out long. Because in the American Pie Cinematic Universe, as soon as you realize that sex is not quite the thing you made it out to be, you have cracked the “Get Sex Code”.

The thing is, the goal of Stiflers is to be complete jerks and this switch to focusing on them over relatives of, say Jim and Michelle or something means the film lacks heart. The purpose of most of the women are to be hot objects. They seem to have no actual goals or personalities beyond being “sexy and free” to high school kids visiting college. And I am pretty sure that no actress with a no nudity clause got through. The Guys pretend to be naked, but the women do not even get the benefit of creatively hidden but implied nudity. This is because many of the jokes surround things like seeing a running girl’s breasts bouncing. That is the level of humor in the film, which, may surprise some to learn is below the standards of the franchise. In the early films, they were at least attempting to be clever with the sex jokes.

The film embraces the biggest problems of Band Camp. The raunchiness is unpleasant and does not result in anything resembling humor. The film has no true heart or center. Director Joe Nussbaum had a hit with a short film called George Lucas in Love, but manages none of the originality in this film.

March 14, 2016 0

Baked Goods Part 4 (American Pie Presents Band Camp, 2005)

After American Wedding, the producers got the idea of keeping the name of American Pie out there by doing direct to video sequels. They decided to visit the infamous Band Camp. The tale focuses on Stifler’s little brother Matt (Tad Hilgenbrink), who like his brother is mostly referred to as Stifler, though he wants to be called the Stiffmeister, his brother’s nickname. He is a jock, and like his brother sets out to humiliate band geeks. His nemesis is Elyse (Arielle Kebbel). After a prank in school gets him in major trouble, he is sentenced to Band Camp by Sherman (Chris Owen appeared in previous American Pie films as this character, and now he is a guidance counselor).

Matt tries to use this to his advantage. His brother is apparently running a Girls Gone Wild type of business. Matt orders all types of spy cameras to set up around the girl’s rooms and showers. He then proceeds to mock his fellow band mates, making no effort to bond. Of course, we all know he will start to fall for Elyse and kind of like the other kids at the camp. Which will all come crashing down when they find out about the cameras.

The film sets up such a great fall, Matt’s attempts at redemption seem hard to accept as being effective. The film steps up the raunch, trying to compete with other films such as the short lived Van Wilder series. It’s female characters are all sorts of problematic. Almost every woman in the cast is eye candy, with only Elyse and her best friend fleshed out at all. The film flat out has adult counselors getting it on with students. It is, of course a joke, because it is the attractive female counselors with young teen boys. but the fact that Matt is doing something highly illegal, including filming illegal acts is troubling enough. That the entire camp’s resolution of the issue is to shun Matt and pretend it never happened, so the camp is not totally humiliated. So, sweep all the illegal behavior under the rug. This is a consistent problem within the franchise. Illegal activity is just a story or plot device to be resolved with little impact on the characters.

It really tries to have some heart, by bringing in Jim’s Dad (Eugene Levy, and now referred to as Mr. Levenstein). He is the guide to a better path for Matt, but of course, it takes the entire film to realize it. And it just never recaptures the magic Levy brought to the role in previous installments. The film was directed by Steve Rash, whose main claim to fame as a director is 1987’s Patrick Dempsey feature Can’t Buy Me Love. Far from the worst, and in some ways better than the second or other later installments, the film just does not come together and the final results are pretty mediocre. Kudos to the casting folks for finding a guy who looked like he might be related to Seann William Scott though.

March 11, 2016 0

Baked Goods Part 3 (American Wedding, 2003)

American Wedding focuses heavily on the next step for Jim and Michelle, which was a wise move. It’s secondary focus is on Stifler, which dominates the beginning of the film. That is a very rough start.

The scenes with Jim and Michelle work well. They are likable characters. And to play Michelle’s parents, they got the terrific Fred Willard and Deborah Rush. The early scenes where “Stifler Ruins Everything” are tiring. But, somehow, they start to transform Stifler. Oh, sure, he is a douche, but they really play up just how badly he wants to be liked. This results in the homophobic character trying to prove to the patrons of a gay bar that they totally want him. The dance off he starts is actually quite amusing.

Again, a lot of the heart is from Jim’s dad. There is a genuinely heartwarming moment where Michelle is feeling uncertain, and she seeks the advice of Jim’s Dad. When she mentions Jim told her he is the person he trusts most for life advice, Levy’s face lights up, like he always wished this was true, but never believed it.

This installment is notable as Shannon Elizabeth, Mena Suvari, Natasha Lyonne and Tara Reid are completely absent. I suspect they had no idea how to fit them into the tale.

There are gross out jokes, embarrassing moments with Strippers at the bachelor party (Aspects of this scene work well, as everyone tries to cover up, when Jim unexpectedly brings Michelle’s parents back to the house). Despite a rocky start, American Wedding is a surprise, and one of the best of the franchise.

March 10, 2016 0

Baked Goods Part 2 (American Pie 2, 2001)

The first film was a big enough hit that we got a sequel. This time there is no pact, the guys are back from their first year of college and get a summer house so they can party hard. Pretty much all the girls are gone. They make appearances, but they are brief. So it is focused on the boys. Kevin is feeling apprehensive that Vicky is off having lots of sex, even though he is not her boyfriend…but he is concerned because he has not had much sex since the first film. Oz is bummed by his long distance relationship with Heather. Finch continues to be obsessed with Stifler’s Mom.

Jim is hoping to have sex with Nadia who is coming to visit him, and seeks the help of Michelle. This is the real heart of the movie. Michelle grows as a character who is sweet but blunt. These scenes work the best. But other than this, women exist only as fantasy in the film. They are there to entertain men. And the portrayal of some of the women suggests the writers do not know any.

Seriously, if a couple women in their underwear discovers a bunch of guys hiding in their bedroom, do you really believe their response would be “Let’s play a “sexy” game?) No, I think it is safe to say they would be running to get help. On the other hand, I totally believe the gag where Jim accidentally super-glues his hand to…himself. That a guy might be that stupid is plausible to me. That scene also allows for a Patented “Jim’s Dad Speech”. Dad tries to defend his son, but admittedly makes it a bit worse.

But overall, this sequel is a bust. Only the Jim/Michelle story works or is sympathetic, it is hard to care at all about the other characters.

March 9, 2016 0

Baked Goods Part 1 (American Pie, 1999)

American Pie was a movie released promising to bring back the spirit of films Like Porky’s, Hot Dog, Ski School and Revenge of the Nerds. They were going to push the boundaries, starting with the plot. The plot is real simple. Four buddies make a pact to lose their virginity before graduation in their senior year.

And the film follows their fumbles as they race for that goal. Sensitive Athlete Oz (Chris Klein) joins the Choir to woo cute and sweet Heather (Mena Suvari). Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) is trying to get his girlfriend Vicky (Tara Reid) to give up her virginity. “Worldly” Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas) ultimately tries by being cool and aloof. Then there is Jim (Jason Biggs), the nerd of the group who pins his hopes on the sexy and sexually available foreign exchange student Nadia. Jim is repeatedly humiliated in the film.

The thing that is surprising? This film has a lot of heart. A lot of that is between the well written and performed scenes between Jim and his Dad (Eugene Levy). Jim’s dad is part bumbling dad stereotype, part wise sage. He loves his son and wants his son to succeed in life. He also tries to help his son navigate the world of relationships. He stumbles through the attempts, but his kindness is a high point in the film.

The problem is, while the male leads are clearly defined, Jessica (Natasha Lyonne) and Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) are the only female character who seem to have lives when they are not onscreen. Nadia gets the worst treatment as her character is literally only there to be someone Jim wants to have sex with. And when she and Jim have an embarrassing situation involving a webcam? She disappears from the story completely. And Jim, aside from humiliation, suffers no consequences.

The film’s gross out humor goes back and forth between disgusting and amusing. While Jim’s experiences are funny, the character of Stifler (Seann William Scott) gets the crude and disgusting moments. The character is pretty repulsive, constantly putting down the guys and making terrible sexual come ons (bordering on harassment) to the women around him. He is a sexist homophobic guy, and an all around unpleasant character.

The film also has the characters come to the realization that the pact is absurd. That sex is not the most important thing, and their pursuit of it was fruitless. And then the film ends with all the guys getting laid. So, way to undermine the revelation. Admittedly, it plays an important role for Kevin and Vicky dramatically (their experience is awkward and uncomfortable, and is spelling the end of their relationship, not fulfilling it). And Jim’s experience has a comedic payoff.

The film has it’s laughs and it’s heart does make it stand better against the test of time than films that tried to follow it’s success. But it is at best a flawed but entertaining comedy.

March 8, 2016 2

Boys and Ghouls Goes to the Movies Part 2 (Tales From the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood, 1996)

Demon Knight was received well enough to not deter the Tales From the Crypt Crew to keep on with their plan of a franchise with Bordello of Blood a year later. The film had an all new story, though they included a tie to the last in that the magical macguffin is the “key” from the previous film. But this time it is the only thing that can keep Lilith (Angie Everhart) the Queen and Mother of All Vampires in check.

Bordello of Blood feels like a regular episode simply stretched to long and thin. The little brother (Corey Feldman) of young Katherine Verdoux (Erika Eleniak) has disappeared. She ends up enlisting skeevy P.I. Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller in his first and really last leading role) to find her brother. We viewers know he went to a new bordello (hint, it is the titular Bordello of Blood). There we discovered that Lilith has apparently made a ton of attractive women into vampires who kill their customers.

Then there is a subplot involving Katherine’s employer. She works for a megachurch televangelist named Reverend Current (he has an “electric” theme) played by Chris Sarandon. He apparently employed man of adventure Vincent Prather (Phil Fondacaro in a role that is not all about his height, which is a nice surprise) to get Lilith for him. So, the Preacher is controlling Lilith to be used in his battle against…Satan or…Something?

The film is more in line with the the TV series. It has lots of slapstick type of jokes, gratuitous gore, and it has HBO’s trademarked “Tons O’ Nudity”.

According to one of the producers, Miller flat out stated he would not say any of the written dialog, instead making up his own, usually the day of. If this is accurate at all, it only ended up hurting the film. The jokes from everyone tend to fall flat. The plot makes little sense (What exactly does Reverend Current hope to accomplish with a vampire?!) and even by “Dumb Horror Film” standards, it is not entertaining even in a terrible way.

The characters are not particularly likable. They are sleazy jerks, or in the case of Katherine, uptight and overly prudish. Miller has his trademark snark in full display, but it works against him, because his character (technically our hero) is a real douche.

All the roles for women are based on being sexually desirable, which is frustrating, especially when you consider that in Demon Knight, character was more important and the roles for women were more substantial.

It is no surprise that the film franchise took a hit, and enough that the third movie was released with all hints of the franchise cut out.

March 1, 2016 0

Boys and Ghouls Go to the Movies Part 1 (Tales From the Crypt Presents Demon Knight, 1995)

HBO’s Tales From the Crypt was in it’s sixth Season when they started a bold plan to break out into movies. There had been a Tales from the Crypt film in the seventies, but this would be different. Instead of being an anthology film, the Tales from the Crypt movies would tell a theatrical length tale. They assembled a series of scripts, none of which were specifically written for the franchise. This resulted in three films of varying success.

The first up was Demon Knight. It introduces us to Brayker (William Sadler) a man running from a conflict. He arrives at a remote hotel which houses a motley crew of broken people. Brayker is frantic and mysterious, so nobody takes him seriously before Hell literally arrives in the form of Billy Zane…the Collector. Brayker has something he wants.

The Collector is actually a demon who needs a “key” that Brayker is trying to protect. This key will allow Hell to overrun the world. So Brayker tries to keep him out of the hotel. Except, the barriers he erects also depend on the personal strengths of the people in the hotel. If they let the Collector in to themselves, he can use them as fresh demons.

And that is where Billy Zane gets to shine. This is really his movie. The Collector appeals to your hopes or desires. He promises one person love and respect, the two things she does not get in her life. And then he tempts another character as a friendly bartender. Zane has fun with these moments and is highly effective, you understand why characters cave.

The effects are low budget, but effective. The demons are creepy, and the practical effects work really deliver for the story. The characters are easy to root for, most of them having decent qualities, even if rough around the edges. And the film has CCH Pounder. Every film should have her in it.

In spite of the film being outside the typical stories in the Tales catalog (they are usually tales of bad people getting a comeuppance. Demon Knight is a Heroes Journey), it is an effective tale. It is fun, exciting and well told. The film has a strong cast that really sell the situation. This is the best of the three Tales From the Crypt films, and the one truly worth watching.

February 29, 2016 0

Science Gone Mad Part 3 (Real Genius, 1985)

There was a time when Val Kilmer was primarily doing goofball comedies like Top Secret or playing supporting roles like Iceman in Top Gun. Not like when he was a serious actor in Batman Forever.

Anyways, Real Genius was a little more grounded in reality than the other two entries in Science Gone Mad. There is no alien technology or magic genies. Instead, it follow the story of young science prodigy Mitch Taylor (Gabriel Jarret). He has graduated from high school early and been accepted to a University renowned for it’s science genius students. Mitch goes in with high hopes. There he meets his roommate, Chris Knight (Val Kilmer). Chris is popular with the student body and seems to be more interested in applying his brilliant mind to having fun, an annoying trait to his professor Jerry Hathaway (William Atherton) who needs Knight’s intellect to complete a project for him.

Mitch also meets a hyper-kinetic you woman named Jordan (Michelle Meyrink) whom he is quickly smitten with. She is a genius whose mind is in constant think mode, ideas flowing at a rapid pace. There is also the mysterious guy who seems to live in Mitch’s closet.

It is not all fun and games, as Mitch finds that there are bullies among geniuses as well. At one point, he makes a pained call home to his parents, feeling defeated. This very call is used to humiliate him publicly. Jarret is especially sympathetic as the scene plays out.

The film mostly goes for light humor, but does know when to be more serious, without it totally messing up the flow of the film. It is funny and the characters are very likable. Martha Coolidge draws strong performances from the cast (this is Val Kilmer’s second theatrical release) and along with the writers, keeps the film focused. It never goes off the beaten track. We only get the information we need, experiencing the important story points. Even the jokes function towards telling the story. There is a running joke in which Mitch enters a class room, and there are fewer students each time, as students are leaving tape players to record the lecture…eventually, he is the only person as the room, as the teacher leaves a tape player in the room playing his lecture. Really, the joke shows how lonely it is for Mitch and how he is having a hard time assimilating into the culture of the university.

Chris Knight is not an original character, he is the goofball genius we have seem many times. But Kilmer imbues him with a real charm. Knight looks after Mitch like a little brother, trying to help him break free of his uptight fears of failure. He wants to get Mitch to open up to life’s possibilities. And Mitch is both sympathetic and pretty endearing. Atherton is terrific in his trademark role as “Authoritarian Asshole”. And you cannot help but like Meyrink’s Jordan. She is a sweet, super smart chatterbox and it is weirdly endearing.

Real Genius is a highly fun comedy that has the right amount of thoughtfulness running through it. It is a smart comedy with the hint of dumb (but only enough to make you laugh).

February 19, 2016 0