One of the writers of the Return of Swamp Thing went on to write the screenplay for the beloved Disney comedy Hokus Pocus. On the other hand, it is directed by Jim Wynorski, He has a spotty record and his later career includes films with “breast” or “busty” in the title. And it is not a good sign when your hero monster appears and is asked who he is…he responds, “They call me…Swamp Thing”.
The film switches to Arcane’s mansion. Arcane is inexplicably alive and human again (okay, in fairness, half way through, they explain it). Arcane is played by the returning Louis Jourdan. He is trying to master Holland’s formula with the help of scientist Dr. Lana Zurell (played by Superman II’s Sarah Douglas). They are ending up with a series of mutations. Borrowing from the comics, these are the un-men. One is running loose in the swamp, called the Leechman.
Abby Arcane (played by Heather Locklear) arrives trying to make peace with her stepfather, unaware of his diabolical experiments. She roams the swamps and gets into trouble with some moonshiners and is saved by the Swamp Thing. Romance blossoms.
At one point, the film turns into the Little Rascals…if they spent their time looking at porn. The scene is there for comedic relief, and he film justifies their presence by having them go on a quest to get a picture of Swamp Thing. The film is far more comedy action film that never takes it’s source seriously. It rehashes Wes Craven’s film and is full of lines like “Let’s mash him into guacamole” and “Is there a Mrs. Swamp Thing?”
This time around, the Swamp Thing gets to really use the powers afforded him in the comics. He can regrow in new locations…and now he can drive a jeep. The Swamp Thing drives a jeep. The effects are a bit better this time around. Swamp Thing and the monsters look pretty good. The film lacks any sense of urgency, and the music that plays whenever Swamp Thing is being heroic is just amazingly out of place. There are scenes lifted from other films (there is a scene where two characters compare scars, just like in Jaws). Really, the film’s entire tone is off and the film is more camp than horror. Okay…a monster taking a hit from his asthma inhaler is kind of funny.
I will say, the opening credits (which play over a montage of Swamp Thing comic book cover art) look cool.
So, nearly twenty years later, after numerous failed attempts to bring Superman back to the big screen Warner Brothers managed a major coup. The wrangled Bryan Singer, Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris away from the X-Men franchise to bring Superman back. This seemed like a decent idea. One of the things Singer talked about was a love for the character and the first two Superman films. He wanted to stay in a loose continuity with those films and ignore films III ad IV entirely. They set out and found a guy who bore a striking resemblance to Reeve, named Brandon Routh. Truthfully, it would have been wiser to simply begin again with a new continuity, especially since they were starting with an actress ten years younger than Margot Kidder was in Superman II. And to facilitate the “Returns” part they had Superman go on a five year journey to explore the floating rocks of Krypton.
Superman III bombed heavily. Eventually, the rights were sold to Canon Films. Reeve had sworn off ever playing Superman again. But four years later he was back. In part, he was promised that he could be involved with the story. And the story we got was Superman getting rid of all our nuclear weapons. He puts them in a net and hurls them into the son. Gene Hackman is back as Lex Luthor…he gets busted out of prison by his dope of a nephew Lenny (Jon Cryer, looking like he stepped on the set of Hiding Out). His plan is to take advantage of Superman’s plan by using Superman’s DNA (from a strand of Superman’s hair) and get it in with the missiles. He succeeds and creates the weirdest enemy for Superman the screen has seen.
Superman three came three years after Superman II, riding high on it’s success, but behind the scenes things looked bleak. There was a divide between some of the cast and the Salkinds over how they had treated Richard Donner. Kidder was not really feeling up to participating. To address this, Perry sends her off to the tropics, while sending Clark to do a story in Smallville at his High School Reunion.
Assemble almost 30 years later, the Donner cut restores the original footage Donner shot and also uses some of the Lester material to fill in the blanks. It was not assembled by Donner, but it had his blessing.
Superman the Movie and Superman II were filmed back to back, but director Richard Lester came in when there was friction between the Salkinds and Donner. He threw out a lot of what Donner filmed and started over. Remember Zod and his Cronies? They are still floating through space in the Phantom Zone. When Superman thwarts a terrorist plot by launching a bomb into space, they are set free and make their way to earth.
Richard Donner’s Superman is often presented as a more upbeat and hopeful film than more recent Superhero efforts. And, in a lot of ways, it is a brighter view overall. Donner opens the film with life on Krypton. His version of Krypton has influenced countless versions of Superman. It became a ruling vision. And I get it…it is a society and world at it’s end. But the severely antiseptic frozen tundra look is actually unpleasant and does not really speak of an advanced society. Jor-El is introduced presiding over the trial of General Zod and his army. Well, him, Ursa and Non. Not really an army. What stands out was that in the middle of this trial, Zod tries to convince Jor-El to join him. And then they are zapped by a giant reflective record sleeve. Then, they never appear in the rest of the film.
The title of the review comes from an actual line in the film. Of course, nothing seems to challenge Michael Bay’s toy based Franchise…as of this writing there are three more films (one being a Bumblebee spinoff film) in the pipeline. There is no stopping it…not even this film. It picks up ten years after the destruction in Chicago. They have repaired and now the government is trying to wipe the Autobots and Decepticons out entirely. To that end they have a space robot helping them who has an agenda of his own.
So the Autobots came to earth in an attempt to escape with a weapon the Decepticons wanted. It was lost when it bumped into our moon. On board is Sentinal Prime. Turns out when they established Optimus was the Last Prime in the previous film…it was incorrect.
The story goes that they started filming the movie without a full script. Not a rough script…an unfinished script lacking an end…among other things. It is a real mess of ideas and makes for a completely incoherent film. Sam goes to college, leaves Mikaela behind until the action kicks in. And the army guys and Autobots are a team. Remember how the Autobots came to Earth for the All Spark? Wait, it is not why…now they came to stop the Fallen, who came to earth thousands of years ago. And Optimus Prime is Autobot Jesus. There are black stereotype Autobots (what is it woth Bay and race based “humor”?). The film brings in the Constructicons who make one big vacuum cleaner.
Tripping Through Gateways 