Rise of a Zero (Hercules, 1997)

The gods of Olympus are celebrating the birth of the son of Zeus and Hera (um…slight change from myth, Disney cannot be seen as endorsing extramarital god flings) Hercules. Everybody seems happy except brother Hades. Hades attempts to turn Hercules mortal…but is only half successful, forcing Zeus to allow his son to be raised on earth by a poor couple of peasants. Hades is unaware that his plan was unsuccessful, mislead by his minions Pain and Panic, and believes Hercules is dead.

But years later, Hercules is a clumsy young man, who seems to cause trouble anywhere he goes, due to not being able to properly judge his own strength. He seeks the help of satyr Phil to train to become a true hero. Along the way he falls for “bad girl” Meg, who turns out to be a pawn of Hades. He is shocked to discover that Hercules is alive and sets out to get rid of Hercules and Zeus at the same time.

Frankly, James Woods is the best thing here. His Hades is a darkly comic jerk who is quite bit of fun. The films tone and honor are kind of all over the place, and not particular effective (especially the whole mocking of “branding”, which rings kind of hollow as critical humor goes).

I really like the character design of the film. The art style is unique from previous Disney animated features. Ultimately, we are left with a light film that is kind of a mess in it’s execution.

It is not something I plan to do often, but this essay from Lindsey Ellis on the film hits pretty much everything I like and dislike about the film. And is more entertaining than my ramblings.

November 30, 2017 0

The Myth, the Legend… (Hercules, 2014)

The film begins by detailing the great legends of Hercules. As a child he defeats snakes sent by a jealous Hera. He fought the Hydra. He defeated the Erymanthian Boar. The Nemean Lion. We discover this is a tale being told to some pirates about to kill a young man. Hercules walks into the camp, and before the lead pirate’s eyes, dispatches his crew. We the audience realize he is not doing it alone. Hiding among the camp are a skilled team. It turns out that Hercules has a bunch of super friends that help feed the legend of an unbeatable warrior. And they are really just mercenaries.

While celebrating their latest victory, they are approached by Ergenia, daughter of Lord Cotys. She is asking for help to protect their home from a local warlord and promises the team their weight in gold. After agreeing, Hercules and his Amazing Friends help Cotys defeat the Warlord. But they soon find they may have aligned themselves with the wrong people.

Hard to believe there were two Hercules films in 2014, but here we are. This film is all about playing with the myth. The film never confirms whether Hercules is truly a demigod or if the gods are even real. At the same time, it never truly denies it either. In fact, the film pretty much ends on a “Who knows???” kind of note.

There is also a mystery, as rumors of Hercules having killed his own wife and children dog him. He was cast out of the kingdom of King Eurystheus for this and it is what led to his life as a mercenary. All of this plays around with the idea of myths and legends versus “the Truth”. This is another “all new tale”, though it tries to supplant those old tales of Hercules as the true story we never new.

Based on a graphic novel, I am somewhat relieved it did not go the route of 300 or Sin City. Or even it’s competition, the Legend of Hercules. The action scenes are not heavily stylized.

The film seems to be relying entirely on Johnson’s charisma to sell the film. The actions sequences are competent, but not especially memorable. The element of the fantastic is blunted by the attempt to be coy about it’s place in reality versus fantasy. Even the best characters rely on great actors giving stock performances. This is especially true of Ian McShane’s Amphiaraus, the wise drunk.

This is certainly one of Ratner’s better films…but frankly, that is not saying much. Nothing really saves this from being disappointing at best.

November 29, 2017 0

The Legend of Some Guy (The Legend of Hercules, 2014)

Years ago Queen Alcmene for her husband’s lust for power terrifying and pledged to Zeus to bear his son, with the purposes of ending the King’s reign. Their first born, Iphicles, grows up to be a selfish brat, jealous of his more loved younger brother. Hercules seems oblivious to his brother’s petty nature, even allowing him to publicly take credit for Hercules deeds. Hercules is happy as long as he has the love of the beautiful Princess Hebe. But one night, the King announces that she is to be married to Iphicles. Hercules and Hebe run away together, but are caught.

As punishment, Hercules is sent to Egypt with a regiment of the army. There, they are ambushed and only Hercules and General Sotiris survive. They are sold into slavery and end up fighting in gladiator combat. They use this to get back to Greece so he might save his beloved. But once they return, it becomes clear that he has a larger destiny.

Part of this is learning to accept his status as a demi-god and embracing Zeus as his father, which he rejects earlier in the film. Oddly, while the film presents the gods as very much real, we never meet a human visage for any of them. They move through the elements and speak through flesh and blood humans.

To be honest, this film represents a problem I see in attempts to bring myths to film in modern films. These films seem more influenced by movies than their original stories. The Legend of Hercules feels like a direct to video sequel, and it’s inspirations are all based in films. This is more of a Gladiator meets 300 (with a scene borrowed from the story of Sampson).

It is incredibly dependent on every action scene doing that “picture pauses mid action, but camera is still moving” effect. It happens repeatedly during pretty much every action scene. The end result is a loss of any real identity for the film, rather looking like a knockoff of better works.

Lutz’s Hercules is not a particularly exciting take on the character. Sure, he is impressively muscular, but that is about it. The story the filmmakers tell hardly echoes the rich history of the character. Sure, there is a bit where he fights a lion…

And mind you, it is not wrong to decide to tell an all new story…but then the new story will have to rise to meet the expectations set by the legend. And this film does not manage such a feat.

November 28, 2017 0

Superman and Zeus (Immortals, 2011)

Immortals begins with an ominous dream in which a man uses a mythic bow to free the Titans who were locked away by the gods. We are told how the gods defeated the titans, and in the midst of their battle the powerful Epirus Bow was lost. Now, eons later, the vicious King Hyperion seeks to find the bow and set free the Titans, allowing him to reign destruction across the earth.

A seaside village is under threat from Hyperion’s armies, hastened when a soldier betrays them. This results in Hyperion killing the mother of peasant Theseus. Unknown to anyone, including Theseus himself, he was trained as a warrior by Zeus himself (in the guise of an elderly man). Theseus is hopeless and enslaved, until Phaedra, the virgin oracle, seeks his help in escaping the grasp of Hyperion. Their mission becomes that of stopping Hyperion from freeing the Titans.

The gods of Olympus are not playing games here, and in a way the film kind of inverts the Clash of the Titans remake. Instead of the gods demanding the faith of men, here, Zeus implores the other gods to follow his lead and have faith in mankind. They have a rule against direct interference (Zeus’ loophole for helping Theseus was that he did not use his god state, but rather did his work in the form of a human). The other gods are more impatient, wanting to intervene directly.

The film does not hold very tightly to the myths of Theseus (the mythical founder of Athens). This is not to say those stories go unacknowledged. But they occur more as brief incidentals, or serve other purposes than the original tales.

Immortals is quite a visually stunning film. This is no surprise, coming from director Tarsem Singh, known for films like the Fall and the Cell. An aesthetic of beauty stands above practicality with wild armor and flowing robes filling the screen.

And while it uses a similar style to films like Zak Snyder’s 300, it feels very much like it is truly the vision of it’s director, rather than following in a popular style. The gods move in a unique way, with their golden armor creating motion trails, and while they are moving through fights quickly, their blows strike the targets in slow motion (simultaneously). And yet, the film ends up feeling more like eye-candy than a real story. Everything is so pretty to look at and yet, feels incredibly empty.

November 27, 2017 0

Boat Trip (Jason and the Argonauts, 1963)

King Aristo has been killed and his throne taken by Pelias. But it is revealed that there is a prophecy that one of Aristo’s sons (wearing one sandal) would bring the downfall of Pelias. But before Pelias strikes the child down, he is told that killing the infant will mean his own death.

Years later, a young man wearing a single sandal saves Pelias from drowning. The young man, named Jason explains (not realizing who he has saved) that he is undertaking a journey to find the legendary Golden Fleece to rally the citizens against Pelias. Seeing an opportunity, Pelias suggests this is a wise plan and encourages Jason, even offering him resources and a crew. Men come and compete to join Jason on his ship the Argos. Among the crew are Hercules and Acastus (son of Pelias and there to help hasten Jason’s death if necessary).

The film is full of trials and dangers. When the crew is dangerously low on any rations and out in the middle of the sea, Hera leads them to the Isle of Bronze. There, when Hercules disobeys a rule about only taking provisions, they face a giant murderous bronze warrior. In another sequence they seek the wisdom of a blind man who is cursed to be beset by Harpies who eat his food and leave him only scraps for every meal.

Jason has assistance from Hera, but Zeus has made a provision that she has only five opportunities to intervene for Jason when he asks it. Like the myths of old, Jason and other mortals are mere pieces of a game. The gods here are a bit more jovial than in the old stories, where their jealousies and lusts were powerful driving factors within their relationships to each other and man.

This film is full of grand visuals, from a giant Poseidon parting cliffs to allow the Argos to pass and a multitude of amazing monsters, such as the Hydra and the famous skeleton fight scene. Of course, the special effects are the work of the legendary wizard Ray Harryhausen.

My one criticism here is (and it is admittedly a big one) how the movie just kind of “ends”. The actual story is not resolved. Pelias is still king. I don’t know if there was an expectation that there was be a second film…but it makes it feel like an incomplete epic.

November 26, 2017 0

Manimal Part 3 (Beastmaster III: The Eye of Braxus, 1996)

So, this movie picks up with Dar continuing on his casually nomadic life. The evil Lord Agon is trying to gain the power of the demon Braxus. He is living off the life force of his community and needs the Eye of Braxus to complete the process and gain power and immortality.

Dar runs into a family seeking King Tal and conveniently for them, Tal is Dar’s brother. He brings the family to see his brother. Eventually, soldiers for Agon attack. They kidnap Tal in their attempt to get the Eye of Braxus.

Dar and Tal’s personal guard Seth (who was in the original film) set out to save Tal. Along the way, they team up with the beautiful blonde Shada and the sorceress Morgana.

Beastmaster III was actually part of the Universal Television Network of the mid 1990’s. But coming a year after Hercules and Xena, this film feels wholly sub-par.

Braxus, the big monster is pretty much Power Ranger levels in appearance. It looks…well, pretty terrible. It almost looks like it is an extra outfit from the comedy show Dinosaurs.

This is really too bad because the film’s cast includes Tony Todd and David Warner, both terrific character actors. Overall, this feels like a bad imitation of the Hercules and Xena model and nowhere near campy enough to work.

November 25, 2017 0

Manimal Part 2 (Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time, 1991)

Dar is off living as a nomad with only his animal companions. The evil Arklon is trying to take over their world. He is promised the ultimate weapon by the sorceress Lyranna. She brings him to a portal to another world. Just as they are planning to go through, a car, followed by two cop cars burst through. The first car is occupied a young woman named Jackie. She meets up with Dar, and is, obviously confused.

Eventually, they cross over to our world. This is actually where the film picks up. Dar’s fish out of water situation is pretty funny. He notes that the term rock and roll seems accurate, as it reminds him of an earthquake.

Outside of this, it is not all that memorable. There are some attempts to create epic connections between Dar and Arklon, but they end up coming off as rather silly. And again, the acting is all over the place. Sarah Douglas is pretty obviously enjoying hamming it up.

The film lacks much in the way of monsters. There is one, but it turns out to have a connection to Dar (everybody seems connected to Dar).

This is the only film directed by producer Sylvio Tabet, and it is kind of obvious why. A lot of the film is pretty pedestrian,

November 24, 2017 0

Manimal Part 1 (The Beastmaster, 1982)

The early eighties brought us a lot of sword and sorcery type films. Don Coscarelli followed up his crazy 1978 horror film Phantasm with this more straightforward (but still odd) fantasy film.

Evil wizard Maax is trying to avert a prophecy of his death at the hands of Zed’s, the king, son. Zed has declared he should be put to death upon learning he desires to sacrifice children to the god Ar. Using a servant witch, Dar is stolen from the womb and transferred to a cow. A local peasant happens upon the witch before she can sacrifice the newborn. Saving the child, he raises the boy as his own.

Dar is raised to be skilled with a sword and also discovers the ability to interact with animals via a psychic link. A group of barbarians ransacks his village, killing his family. Dar plans to seek revenge. On his way, he befriends several animals, including a couple of ferrets and a hawk. He finally saves a panther from the barbarians. After a struggle, he happens upon two slavegirls and is smitten by one named Kiri. He becomes determined to free her and end the cruelty of Maax and his cult of Ar.

The Beastmaster has achieved a minor cult status, in large part for being a huge staple of cable TV for much of the 80’s. A lot of the acting falls into…well…stiff (Tanya Roberts) or scenery chewing (Rip Torn). The effects are pretty good, with some unique looking monsters. There are some odd choices (the witches have the faces of monstrous hags, but the bodies of voluptuous models). On the other hand, there are some cool looking humanoid bat creatures.

This is a fun film, really, made memorable by the interaction of Dar and the various animal friends. While not great, it is pretty light-hearted entertainment.

November 23, 2017 0

Oh Oh It’s Magic PT 7 uh PT 2 (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, 2011)

Ten years of film-making culminates with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. After managing to destroy a couple of the Horacruxes and escaping the clutches of Bellatrix Lestrange, the trio realizes they need to return to Hogwarts. But this is not so simple. Snape is now Headmaster, Dementors patrol the grounds and Death Eaters are on the watch for Harry Potter.

They find themselves seeking the help of Dumbledore’s brother Aberforth. They were never aware of a brother, and he seems embittered towards his brother. In the Trio’s absence, Neville Longbottom has rallied their fellow students to be ready for war against Voldemort. Harry realizes what the final Horacruxes are. He seeks one, while Hermione and Ron work on a plan to destroy the other. There is a large battle at the school, which Voldemort brings a halt to. He promises to let everyone go if they only turn over Harry Potter.

But Harry realizes he must face Voldemort on his own. This leads to a rather touching moment with our three heroes as it is clear, this may be the last time they ever see each other.

Part two, while a logical progression from the dark part one, is far more exciting and even fun. The drama is more hopeful. The funny thing is, taken as a whole, both films work quite well. Part one feels less oppressive when directly followed up by part two (as opposed to the theatrical releases which were several months apart).

Part two brings the series to a close with a sense of hope and optimism. There are many moments that are thoughtful next to the exciting battles. And yet, even split among two films, you feel like we don’t get enough of some of those favorite characters (such as Remus and Tonks). I enjoy the series and feel this film brings it all to a close quite nicely.

November 22, 2017 0

Oh Oh It’s Magic! PT7 um PT 1 (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1, 2010)

Finding the world becoming more and more dangerous, Harry and his friends leave behind the muggle world. We see them saying their goodbyes, or in the case of Hermione, tragically causing her non-magical parents to forget she even exists. Several members of the Order of the Phoenix arrive at the now empty Dursley residence for Harry. To protect him, several of the members take the polyjuice potion to assume the likeness of Harry, creating multiple Harrys.

There is an attack by Voldemort and his Death Eaters, but with one exception, all arrive safely at the Weasleys. There is a wedding for oldest Weasley Percy and Fleur. The head of the Ministry of Magic arrives to deliver Dumbledore’s last will and testament. He leaves a gift for Harry, one for Hermione and one for Ron. Harry receives the Golden Snitch he caught in the first film. Ron receives Dumbledore’s De-lluminator (last seen in the first film)and Hermione is given a storybook.

At the wedding, there is an announcement from the Ministry that it has fallen into the hands of Voldemort. Harry, Hermione, and Ron flee together. Rather than return to Hogwarts, the three dedicate themselves to tracking down and destroying the remaining Horacruxes. As the Half-Blood Prince explained, these are objects in which a wizard has put a portion of their soul. This involves murder, making it an especially heinous form of magic. Only by destroying these objects can Voldemort be truly vulnerable.

The Deathly Hallows kicked off a trend in movies adapted from book series. When it was announced that they were going to split the film into two parts, some felt it was merely a cash grab. And while I won’t disagree that there was surely an element of that from the studio, I also feel it would have seriously hampered the series to try and force the story into a single film.

There are some notable moments, for instance, there is a terrific animated sequence that tells the story of the “Deathly Hallows”. Radcliff and Watson are really quite good in this film. And yet, Part one struggles a bit as an independent film. It is rather slow at points, focusing on the bleak and hopeless tone. It is, at times, incredibly oppressive. And while it ends with a somewhat exciting escape, it still is kind of hard to enjoy the film on its own. But more on this in Part 2.

November 21, 2017 0