Crypt Keepin’ Carpenter (Body Bags, 1993)

An attempt by Showtime to create a Horror Anthology to compete with HBO’s Tales From the Crypt, Body Bags both starred and featured direction from John Carpenter. Showtime killed the series but released the three shorts set against bookend segments hosted by Carpenter as a creepy coroner. His assistant was Tobe Hooper, director of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Both directed a segment as well.

Just like the Crypt Keeper, the Coroner makes schlocky jokes, before introducing the story. It is not entirely certain each bookend was meant for the story that followed.

The first tale, the Gas Station, is about a young woman on her first night working at a gas station on a lonely stretch of road. After a parade of weirdos, she discovers she is being stalked by a serial killer. It is not a unique story, but it is well done, with a nice little twist. Wes Craven has an amusing cameo as a creepy drunk who hits on the young woman.

The second segment, Hair, is about a man who is obsessed with his thinning hair. In spite of his girlfriend’s insistence that it does not matter to her, he cannot stop fearing losing his hair. Everywhere he looks he sees luxurious heads of hair. He drives his girlfriend away because he won’t accept himself. One night, he discovers a clinic that promise actual regrowth of lost hair. Richard runs to the clinic for their service. He is stunned when they try and talk him out of it, but he wants hair. But in the end, he finds the hair wants him just as much as he wants it. This is an entertaining story with and entertaining performance from Stacy Keach. This is also the most humorous of the stories.

The best segment is the Eye, starring Mark Hamill as a minor league baseball player whose career is cut short when he loses an eye. He is offered a chance at a new experimental surgery that gives him a donor eye. But with the eye comes dark and depraved visions. Are they his own or the previous owner of the eye? Hamill gives a strong performance. Of the three tales, this is the best of the bunch.

As with all anthologies, some installments are better than others. But thankfully, in the case of Body Bags, all three are ranging from decent to very good. While the first two segments are directed by John Carpenter, the Eye is directed by Tobe Hooper. This is an enjoyable film. And for those curious…you get to see Luke Skywalker’s bare butt.

October 17, 2016 0

In the End Pt One (Final Destination, 2000)

Welcome the the Final Destination Franchise, where a bunch of white people and one black guy try and escape the clutches of death. This is both a joke and a fact. There is one (sometimes two-one is almost always a police officer/FBI guy) black guy per movie.

Anyways, the film tells the story of Alex and his classmates who are going on a class trip to France. While sitting on the plane, Alex has a terrifying vision of the plane exploding mid-flight. He starts to notice all sorts of things occurring just as they did in the vision. Panicking, Alex starts to yell that they need to get off the plane. He and a few other students are dragged from the flight. Angered by being removed, tough guy Carter starts a fight with Alex, only to be ended by the plane exploding.

This leads to Alex being a figure of fear and revulsion. His classmates are frightened over what he knows and how he would know it. The night after the funeral, Alex’s friend Todd dies in mysterious circumstances, and Alex starts to see real patterns. The only person to believe him at first is Clear (last name Rivers, 0i). But as more people from the flight die shocking deaths, the others come around and try and find a way to cheat death.

The premise of the film is a pretty clever one, though it seems like they were not fully sure the nature of the situation. Is death sentient? Todd’s death has the most intense lead up of the film, where Todd is clipping nose hairs (which leads you to think he might get impaled) , then plugs in a radio, the whole time water from a toilet leak creeps towards him. After he is dead, the water seeps back to the toilet, as if covering it’s tracks. This is really the only time it seems freakishly supernatural. Otherwise the deaths are elaborate but plausible as chance.

The film features Tony Todd in a brief appearance as a mortician who explains the movies plot fr the characters. One gets the sense that Todd’s character was meant to be a bigger role.

Behind the camera were a few X-Files alum and they try and work their magic here. The death sequences range from shocking to elaborate. Overall, I find a lot to like with this film. While the franchise is more of a guilty pleasure for me, this first film is one I found quite enjoyable.

October 16, 2016 0

Unseen and Not Heard (Memoirs of an Invisible Man, 1992)

I think if there is a forgotten John Carpenter film…this is it. Did you know that John Carpenter directed a movie with Chevy Chase and Daryl Hannah? Did you??

He almost didn’t, the film was being developed by Chase and he wanted Ivan Reitman…but he and Reitman were unable to agree on how things should go and Reitman left. One of those rare “cannot get along with Chevy Chase” stories. In fairness, Reitman wanted to make it a standard Chevy Chase vehicle, but Chase saw it as a chance to explore more serious roles.

Carpenter was brought in to provide that. Of course, this was still meant to be a studio film, which in the end means the film takes no risks.

The story focuses on self absorbed Stock Analyst Nick Hollaway (Chase) who is present in a building where there is an experiment that goes awry. In case you cannot see it coming *cough* he is left invisible. (Sorry for that) He soon finds himself on the run with new girlfriend Alice from shady CIA agent David Jenkins (Sam Neil…and not Carpenter’s last work with him).

The story is pretty standard fair with little of Carpenter’s originality. Hollaway is on the run from the CIA who want to use him for spy stuff.

There are a lot of scenes where we see Chase onscreen when he is supposed to be invisible…and it gets almost confusing in the beginning…but later, while we can see Chase on screen, he casts no reflections. The effects are remarkably good, and the most notable thing about the film. They clearly put a lot of thought about how his invisibility works. Nick and everything he was wearing are invisible…so he runs into the problem of not being able to see his hands or know exactly where they are when trying to eat. He can see his food digesting when he looks in the mirror. When he smokes, you see the smoke in his lungs. Then there is a really neat scene where rain drops temporarily illuminate Nick in front of Alice. In fact, the effects in this film hold up quite well almost twenty five years later.

You can see that Chase is trying for a darker type of role. Chevy avoids his standard mugging for the camera. And the film does not have a lot of jokes. In fact, most of the jokes come from other characters. But none of it is compelling. The film just has no unique identity.

You can even see that Carpenter did not really see himself as more than a studio employee…it is one of the few films he has directed to not bear the “John Carpenter’s” as part of the title. This is the forgotten film because it feels neither like a Carpenter film nor a Chevy Chase Film. It never really pulls you in, and Nick really lacks personality.

October 16, 2016 0

B-Movie Madness (Popcorn, 1991)

Popcorn is one of those horror films that fell into obscurity. Starring a cast of genre vets, it features a fun premise and inventive sequences.

Maggie (Jill Schoelen, the Stepfather) lives with her aunt Suzanne (Dee Wallace Stone, the Howling). Maggie is an aspiring filmmaker haunted by strange dreams of a young girl being chased by a maniacal man with a blade.

She and her film club plan to do a fundraiser by showing old B-Movies in the vein of William Castle. They include gimmicks like props and shocking the audience.

But once the movies start, people begin to die. We discover there is someone running around the theater wearing masks of his victims. Not like Leatherface, but latex.

This is all tied to a film they had opted to not show…it was made by a man who killed his family on stage at the end of the movie. There was a fire and all but one person and a child survived…well, and possibly the filmmaker. The film has a good twist and avoid totally telegraphing it.

The cast is terrific, and the scenarios they find themselves in are entertaining. The late Tom Villard (Who kind of looks like a slightly goofier Tom Hanks) is especially likeable. The film appears to have been made on a budget, but the practical effects are pretty good. The villain’s makeup looks great most of the time, until a bit towards the end when it seems like the prosthetics were coming undone as the actor is speaking. Sadly, the film is hard to find. There has yet to be a Blu-Ray release, and the DVD release years ago was sub-par. Apparently Synapse had plans to release a Blu-Ray, but I cannot locate a story confirming it was ever released, and all the stories announcing it are from 2014. If you can track it down, Popcorn is one of the more enjoyable slasher films from the early 90’s.

October 15, 2016 3

The Advertising Scam (They Live, 1988)

I have only one thing to say. Fifteen minute fight between Rowdy Roddy Piper and Keith David. ‘Nuff said.

Oh, you expect me so say a bit more? Fine.

Beloved Wrestler Roddy Piper is Nada, a wandering Construction worker looking for work. When he discovers a group of resistance fighters hiding among the city’s homeless, he finds himself stuck in a battle against humanity and aliens bent on human enslavement.

When Nada discovers a pair of sunglasses that allow him to see the aliens, he tries to figure out what to do. He enlists help from fellow construction worker Frank and TV Executive Holly. What follows is an insane ride.

The film is packed with action and humor. One of the most memorable moments is Roddy walking into a bank wearing the magic sunglasses and holding a shotgun declares, “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I am all out of bubblegum.”

The other big moment is a nearly fifteen minute fist fight between Roddy Piper and Keith David. It is amazing. Asked recently if he ever considered shortening the fight, Carpenter indignantly declared “F**k no!”

This is a good cast who make a rather ham-fisted film work. Keith David is always good and Meg Foster is mysterious and uncertain in her motives. And those eyes.

I mentioned ham-fisted…the plot is a huge screed against the 80’s consumerism and Reaganomics. When Piper puts on the glasses, he sees in black and white…

But he does not just see the aliens.

He also sees how they are taking over….advertising.

It is hard to ignore, and while it may be a valid criticism, it is done in a way that feels almost comedic. The aliens reward people willing to cash in. A guy goes from being a bum to a member of the 1%. In a way I am surprised nobody has remade this one yet since 2008.

In spite of this, the film is effectively fun and has some real twists. It is a well loved Carpenter film for a reason, and it is not for the politics. It is a goofy action film, a cross between the grim and serious Escape From New York and the boisterous Big Trouble in Little China.

October 15, 2016 1

Clowning Around (Clown,2014)

There have been many horror films that mine the scariness of clowns. Jon Watts (Cop Car, Spider-Man: Homecoming) tries to find new ground. And in some respects, he does. Let me begin by saying, if your greatest fear is that a clown will devour your kids? You may want to stay away from Clown.

The film begins with devoted father Kent trying to locate a clown costume when the clown hired for his son’s birthday cancels. He stumbles on one hidden in a house he is helping renovate.

Donning the outfit, he appears at the birthday party and is a hit. He falls asleep on the couch. When he awakens the next morning, he cannot get the suit off. he tries, including using a box cutter and a small hacksaw. None of this works, and the costume remains.

His wife tries to help and successfully removes the nose, but it is is as if she removed part of his actual nose. She questions if he has died his hair, and they discover the wig is now more like actual hair. As things progress, Kent finds himself changing, and the more he changes, the more he desires a special new food source. He tracks down a man who appeared to have owned the suit previously. This old man proceeds to explain that the clown is inspired my a mythical monster that would lure children from the village and eat them. He would eat five children, one for each month of the year. The man promises to help Kent…by beheading him.

Kent flees his family and hides in a motel. Despondent, he attempts suicide. This sequence is a bit amusing because when he shoots himself in the head, the blood spatter is rainbow colored. The demon inside starts to gain greater and greater control. His wife is desperate to help him…and she finds herself in a terrible situation of temptation…can she make sure he gets his last child? Can she sacrifice a child to get Kent back?

The movie is somewhat light-hearted at the beginning, and Andy Powers is both sympathetic and funny. But when we lose Kent and he is the beast, the film’s tone gets brutally dark. There is no way for a happy ending where Kent is redeemed, as he eats four kids in the film, and there is not really coming back from that.

The make-up is quite good and the design of the clown as Kent changes is creepy. Overall, I found the film to be entertaining, and the good stuff is better than the problematic stuff. Clown was made in 2014, and while it has opened throughout the world, it was just released this past September in the U.S. I am not sure why it sat on the shelf for a couple years, as much worse films have gotten released in a timely fashion.

October 14, 2016 0

Devil in a Can (Prince of Darkness, 1987)

John was pretty prolific in the 80’s and most of them are quite memorable. Prince of Darkness is a religious themed horror film that is played straight. Carpenter brings back Victor Wong and Dennis Dun from Big Trouble in Little China. He also brings Donald Pleasence back.

Prince of Darkness begins with a dying priest passing a secret on to Pleasence’s character (simply called “Priest”). The secret could rock the church. With the help of a local Professor and his students, a study is taking place in an abandoned church. In the Church basement is a giant glass container with a swirling green liquid. It is revealed that this is the container of the son of Satan…it is prophesied that he will release his father.

As the film progresses, there are stranger and stranger events. The local homeless community, led by Alice Cooper (who also provides the theme song), are amassing around the church. People start to disappear, and then show up possessed and passing on the virus. The name of the game is both survival and stopping the father of evil from being unleashed on the world.

The film is set around an intriguing story. It is not a serious exploration of religion. The theology is pretty wonky. But the film is not trying to establish a truth kept hidden by the church. Carpenter is not pulling a Dan Brown. He is just working to tell a scary story.

Is Prince of Darkness John’s scariest film? No. For one thing…(Son of) Satan in a Can is a pretty goofy concept. But the film does have a nice, creepy atmosphere at play. One of the strong suits of pretty much any Carpenter film is casting. He had people he seems to have liked working with and would bring them back. His films are full of great character actors.

The visual effects are very good. They do a lot of simple, yet effective, practical visuals here. The score (by Carpenter) is eerie. In spite of a goofy concept, the film works pretty well, and is part of Carpenter’s more memorable films.

October 14, 2016 0

Tooth Decay (Candyman 3: Day of the Dead, 1999)

Candyman picks up a couple of decades after the second film, where we meet Annie’s grown daughter Caroline (Baywatch actress Donna D’Errico) living in Los Angeles. She is running an art gallery and allowing her friend to do a theme around her great, great grandfather. She is frustrated that he chooses to focus on the legend of Candyman.

During the show, Caroline calls out to Candyman Five times, apparently, causing him to return into the picture. She starts seeing visions of him, and he tells her she must believe. While upset with her friend, she decides to visit him…inter-cut with her entering his apartment are visions of Candyman killing him and his girlfriend.

And so, Candyman starts offing Caroline’s friends, causing her to look like the prime suspect. This has been an ongoing theme in the films, people keep suspecting the lead woman. And it does not help matters that Candyman kills one of the cops.

All the films are kind of vague on Candyman’s rules. While he has to be called by saying his name five times while looking in a mirror, he seems to get around and kill a lot of people who never called his name. The film also establishes things like…bees can smash through windows.

The film reminds us of the backstory…with flashbacks that are in contradiction to the flashbacks of the previous film’s flashbacks. In Farewell to the Flesh, he is stripped of his shirt, in this film he is fully clothed. More noticeable, in the last film it all occurs in daylight, here he is killed at night. The brief shots here have less of an impact than the ones created for Farewell to the Flesh.

This is not a particularly good film. The script has D’Errico spending a tremendous (and ridiculous) amount of time screaming. And most of the acting is not particularly good, save for Tony Todd (as is expected). In fact, the thing that really hurts this film is that anytime Tony Todd is not on the screen? The film gets incredibly boring.

Not remotely entertaining, it is no surprise this film killed the franchise.

October 13, 2016 0

Nobody Knows the Troubles I’ve Seen (Big Trouble in Little China, 1986)

The fourth outing for Carpenter and Russell is an entertaining blending of genres. Big Trouble In Little China is part action film, part Kung Fu, Part fantasy and all comedy. Russel is the cocky but lovable Jack Burton. Jack’s favorite person is himself and his mouth often seems to get himself in trouble. And he has found it in spades when he visits a friend in China town. His friend, Wang Chi, is raising money to bring his bride to be (Miao Yin) to America. But when she arrives, she is captured by the henchman of the mysterious crime lord David Lo Pan. Lo Pan is seeking her because she has green eyes. And a girl with green eyes are part of a curse.

Along with Wang, Jack is joined by intrepid reporter Gracie Law, her friend Margo, Eddie Lee and Egg Shen, a mystical old Asian man. Jack is an interloper, but is drawn deep into a fight to save Miao from Lo Pan. He has three warriors, each with an elemental super power. While Jack fumbles his way through heroism, it leads to a great battle of both brawn and wits.

Big Trouble in Little China is a loving send-up of both American and Asian Martial Arts action films. This means that…well, yeah…all the Asian Characters know martial arts. But at the same time, the central characters are all individuals. Lo Pan is probably the closest to a stereotype, with James Hong really laying on the accent. Jack is not the last samurai, rather we start with him and stumble into the fight. He is there for his friend. Truth is, the movie makes it clear they do not need Burton, but he is brash and rushes headlong in with a friend.

The film is full of humor, even in action packed moments, it finds the time to give a wink to the viewer. Jack often succeeds by failing in spectacularly amusing ways. The cast is great, Dennis Dun plays Wang Chi as a sincere and heroic young man in love. Kim Cattrall is charming and full of fire as Gracie Law. Donald Li is great fun as friendly tough guy Eddie Lee.

Carpenter does not flex his “fun” muscle a lot. I mean, he does not avoid humor, but this is a straight up action comedy, among other things, and Carpenter shows a real flair for it. Big Trouble in Little China is definitely one of Carpenter’s funniest films and is best viewed with a group.

Oh yeah…and this film had more roles for Asian actors than the live action Ghost in the Shell.

October 13, 2016 0

Family Values (Candyman 2: Farewell to the Flesh, 1995)

Bill Condon (God’s and Monsters, Mr. Holmes, the upcoming Beauty & The Beast) took over the franchise with Farewell to the Flesh. The setting moves from Chicago to New Orleans just before Mardi Gras, and focuses on a young teacher Annie and her family. Her father died the year before in what appeared to be a Candyman Murder. Her brother gets in trouble when he threatens an author who wrote a book on Candyman and said author is gutted.

This film focuses heavily on the backstory of the Candyman as Annie starts to discover that her family has a deep connection to him. Annie unwittingly calls him forth and he comes and speaks to her, killing those nearby. He also seems to start influencing the children of her class.

There are some interesting ideas at play here, but it does not always make a lot of sense. Why exactly is the Candyman trying to kill his descendants? Why is he seeking to destroy himself? Does he not want his family line to continue?

Todd, as with the first film gives a dependable performance, imbuing the Candyman with a dark threatening and yet tragic nature. But the film never comes together, and has a tendency to feel all over the place. While not a terrible sequel, it is not as good a follow up as one would hope.

October 12, 2016 0