Tag: Orlando Bloom

A Battling We Will Go (The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, 2014)

The Battle of the Five Armies is a very long and busy film. From it’s opening moments, it is all about trying to out do Return of the king.  Dragon fights! Giant battles against orcs! Wizard Battles! Bilbo and the Dwarves had failed to…

A Desolationing We Will Go (The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, 2013)

The film picks up with Bilbo, Thorin and their band of Dwarves on the run from Azog’s orcs.  They find themselves appearing to be hunted by a very large bear.  Gandalf promises they are near the home of a man who might help them…

To Rule Them All Thrice (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, 2003)

All stories must conclude.  Some just take longer than others.  A lot longer. But more on that later. Sauroman is defeated, Aragorn and the people of Rohan have defended Helms Deep and Frodo, Sam and Gollum are at the door of Mordor. Te film…

Two Rule Them All (The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, 2002)

Picking up in the aftermath that split the fellowship apart, the Two Towers has a lot on it’s shoulders. Frodo and Sam are now on their own, making their way for Mount Doom to destroy the ring.  Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are trying to…

To Rule Them All (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, 2001)

John Rogers, one of the writers of the abysmal Catwoman film once also wrote “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its…

Yo Ho Ho! Let’s Try This Again (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, 2017)

Dead Men Tell No Tales comes six years on the heels of On Stranger Tides, and returns to the territory of the first three films.  We meet a young boy named Henry.  He takes a boat out to sea, ties a rock to his…

Yo Ho Ho, It is OVER! (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, 2007)

Holy. Crap.  THIS. MOVIE. IS. SO. LONG. Like, super long. It is ten minutes shy of three hours. Anyhoo, picking up where the last film left off, the Kraken ate Jack Sparrow and now Elizabeth Swann, Will Turner and Barbossa are trying to rally…