Tripping Through Gateways

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The Battle of the Five Armies is a very long and busy film. From it’s opening moments, it is all about trying to out do Return of the king.  Dragon fights! Giant battles against orcs! Wizard Battles! Bilbo and the Dwarves had failed to stop Smaug who attacks Lake Town.  As the citizens try and escape his wrath, the Bard seeks to fulfill his family’s promise and slay Smaug. After ending Smaug,… Read More

All stories must conclude.  Some just take longer than others.  A lot longer. But more on that later. Sauroman is defeated, Aragorn and the people of Rohan have defended Helms Deep and Frodo, Sam and Gollum are at the door of Mordor. Te film actually opens by jumping back several hundred years before the story we have been watching where we see hobbits Sméagol and Déagol fishing in a small boat.  After being… Read More

Picking up in the aftermath that split the fellowship apart, the Two Towers has a lot on it’s shoulders. Frodo and Sam are now on their own, making their way for Mount Doom to destroy the ring.  Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are trying to rescue Merry and Pippin, who are believed to have been kidnapped by Orcs. We quickly learn that Merry and Pippin found escape from the orcs on their own. … Read More

John Rogers, one of the writers of the abysmal Catwoman film once also wrote “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.” And the Lord of the… Read More

Captain America was a hotly debated character for the Marvel Films.  Could a character so tied to American Nationalism be a hero the world loved?  Joe Johnston (who directed Disney’s fun comic book movie the Rocketeer 20 years earlier) was brought in and found a way to make that answer be yes.  Among the choices made were to set the film in World War 2, rather than begin in Present day.  Chris… Read More

The title of the review comes from an actual line in the film.  Of course, nothing seems to challenge Michael Bay’s toy based Franchise…as of this writing there are three more films (one being a Bumblebee spinoff film) in the pipeline.  There is no stopping it…not even this film.  It picks up ten years after the destruction in Chicago.  They have repaired and now the government is trying to wipe the Autobots… Read More

The story goes that they started filming the movie without a full script.  Not a rough script…an unfinished script lacking an end…among other things.  It is a real mess of ideas and makes for a completely incoherent film.  Sam goes to college, leaves Mikaela behind until the action kicks in.  And  the army guys and Autobots are a team.  Remember how the Autobots came to Earth for the All Spark?  Wait, it… Read More