You Gotta Go

It is a very common movie tactic to have the couple whose relationship has collapsed. One has moved on, and one, usually our main character, has not. They are frustrated, even bitter, about how things have turned out. But it really about regrets. They still love their ex and would be back with them in a flash. But of course, the person who moved on is now in a relationship. And so screenwriters have a problem…how to get the person out of the way before the stories end. And outside of romantic comedies, the solution can often be…um..drastic.

I am about to spoil the crap out of the movie San Andreas.

In San Andreas, Dwayne Johnson’s Ray Gaines and his wife fell apart after the death of one of their daughters. This has led to Carla Cugino’s Emma having moved on with Ioan Gruffudd’s Daniel Riddick. And of course, their daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario) is caught in between. You know that the film wants to get Ray and Emma back together. But they do not have time for the two to have a mature discussion and then an amicable breakup with Daniel. Instead, the film knows what must be done. Daniel must die.

This happens repeatedly in films. Bait. 2012. The Fate of the Furious (sort of). This is a quick and easy way to resolve the problem. Now, in some cases, such as Bait, the person killed gets to be heroic. Which, I guess is nice.

But it is just as likely to be rather unceremonious. In the aforementioned San Andreas, Daniel is with Blake when a massive earthquake collapses a beam on their car. Blake is trapped and Daniel promises he will get help. Except, he basically runs off screaming. In fact, Daniel is repeatedly shown to be cruel and cowardly right up until his death. Up until the point he leaves Blake, he had come across as a pretty decent and nice guy. He was kind to Blake and was clearly into having a good relationship with Emma.

But here is the thing. He is a romantic rival. And he is physically positioned in an opposition to the Rock. While Johnson is large and muscular, Gruffudd is a slighter frame. He works in an office, he is not physically imposing or tough. And this is kind of coded to suggest he is a weak opposition who needs to be swept aside. Making him a vile coward who leaves her daughter to die, while she rushes to find Blake with Ray allows for her to first be angry and then forget about Daniel entirely.

This type of flourish tends to be unnecessary. In the case of San Andreas, you could have made a far better dramatic moment of Daniel running to the door, calling for help and the Ben and Ollie characters seeing him. They race to the door and Daniel returns to the car to start trying to get Blake out. Daniel, Ben, and Ollie work to get Blake’s leg’s free. As they are getting her out, Daniel realizes that for her to successfully get free, he will have to stay in a position that will result in his death. Saving Blake is what he sees as important, and to the horror of the other three, Daniel allows himself to be crushed for their survival.

The fact is, none of Daniel’s later scenes add anything to the film. So you do not lose anything. And he is an entirely unnecessary villain. Natural Disaster stories do not inherently require a human villain.

It seems like the main reason such choices are made are that a romantic rival is made to be not just an impediment to the hero’s romantic situation, but a threat to (most often) their masculinity. And this is where things get to be troubling. The need to make a villain out of the rival to the extent that they are a legit villain before they are killed is a troubling attitude to perpetuate. Killing off a character to make a romatic connection happen is pretty lazy story telling.

September 19, 2017 0

Wrapped in Adventure (The Mummy, 1999)

In the 1930’s an ancient book has been discovered. with the help of her brother and drunken adventurer Rick O’Connell, librarian Evie Carnahan leads an expedition to locate a lost city and the tomb full of treasures and antiquities. They are racing against mercenary thieves. Both sides have a person who has been to the lost city before(Rick for Evie and the mercenaries have the cowardly Beni). Upon finding the city, both sides set to exploring the tomb they find at the center. Each has a piece of the puzzle, Evie a key to the Book of the Dead, the other group has the Book.

After discovering a corpse that seems to still be fresh, in spite of its age, Evie gets drunk and reads from the Book of the Dead. This sets off a chain of events that could result in the end of the world. On a more personal level, Rick and Evie must find a way to stop Imhotep from using Evie to bring back his beloved Anck Su Namun.

While the Mummy has traditional been a character of horror canon, this film takes a very different approach. Stephen Sommers opts for an Indiana Jones style adventure full of crazy action and special effects. Lighter on the gruesome and elevating comedy, this is a fun film.

It’s heavily reliant on digital effects, and almost two decades later they hold up to varying degrees. It definitely dates the film, and yet, in the end, does not change that it is a pretty solid action movie.

The cast turns in entertaining performances. Rachel Weisz is charming as the beautiful, clumsy and ambitious Evie. Brendan Fraser channels Indiana Jones with swagger and goofball confidence.Sommers regular Kevin J. O’Conner is funny as the duplicitous Benji who ends up helping Imhotep to save his skin.

The film’s approach to the Mummy mythology is nicely thought out, tying Imhotep’s return to the ten plagues that beset Egypt in the Old Testament. The film even connects the oppression of the Jews under Egypt with Benji trying a variety of religious symbols to ward off Imhotep, only for Imhotep to pause when he sees a Star of David.

The Mummy is full of action and humor. It still holds up in spite of the dated effects.

September 19, 2017 0

Sharks Got Brains (Deep Blue Sea, 1999)

Scientists may have cracked the code for an Alzheimer’s cure. but they need to keep their funding. Rich business man and adventurer Russell Franklin needs convincing, so he is visiting their research facility. The facility is a floating fortress, with most of it being below water. The reason for this is that the research involves sharks.

It is the weekend, so it is a bare bones staff of scientists, a shark wrangler, an engineer and the cook. The shark wrangler, Carter, has a checkered past and this concerns Russell in the beginning. As a storm approaches, they try and prove their success with Russell. Russell (as well as Carter) is startled to see just how smart the sharks seem. When a tragic accident forces the team to try and medivac out a scientist, the storm interferes and gives the shark an open. In a freak series of events, the facility is heavily disabled.

The crew is forced to outwit the sharks and try to reach the top of the facility, which is sinking fast. Russell is stunned when Dr. McAlester confesses they broke laws regarding genetic research and have genetically altered the sharks’ brain structure, making them larger and smarter.

The cast of characters are pretty stock characters, I mean, Samuel L. Jackson’s Russell Franklin is the type of guy you expect him to be. Cause this is Sam Jackson. He is quietly intense, but also loud and bombastic. Carter (the Punisher’s Thomas Jane) is calm and smart, rarely rattled. Preacher (the cook) is kind of the stereotypical Black Movie Guy. Sarcastic attitude and brief comments about God (the character’s backstory includes being a failed pastor). But LL Cool J has fun with the role. At one point Preacher believes he may not make it and grabs a video camera to leave a legacy…it is not quite what you expect.

The sharks are a combination of digital and practical. The mechanical practical sharks actually look really good. The digital ones vary from scene to scene.

Easily one of Renny Harlin’s better films, Deep Blue Sea is a fun thrill ride of a film with a good cast.

September 18, 2017 0

Cleanup In Aisle 4 (Bait, 2012)

Bait is trying to be a terrifying drama set in a below ground grocery store after a massive tsunami hits. The film actually opens up a year earlier in the life of a young couple who are engaged. A shark kills the young woman’s brother, and her fiance fails to save him. He blames himself and damages the relationship. When she shows up in the grocery store with a new man, her former fiance is not thrilled.

There is a subplot with a robbery gone bad, a police officer who has a strained relationship with his daughter and her boyfriend. This is all interrupted by a tsunami, which fills the grocery store and the parking garage. Trapped inside, the people start to try and work out a way to get to the surface. This becomes much more complicated when several large sharks get in.

Bait means to give meaning to the lives and deaths of the characters, but what ends up happening is characters die for terrible convenience…the new boyfriend dies heroically, but it is clear he had to die so that the original couple could rekindle their relationship.

I do not have a ton to say about this film…the drama is overwrought, the sharks painfully cartoonish and there are no actual scares.

September 17, 2017 0

Worst Plan Ever (Shark Night 3-D, 2011)

Shark Night 3-D is the exciting tale of pretty college students under siege by digital sharks in a swamp. Oh, this may sound like a Sy Fy film, but it actually appeared in theaters.

All the kids are going to Sara’s family home. After the camera follows the drive at high speed and set to a pop alternative rock song. They meet up with some hicks who have a grudge against Sara. These are the kind of stereotypical creepy hicks who hate things like “learnin'”. And one has apparently filed his teeth into “shark” teeth. Foreshadowing. They also meet the local water sheriff played by Donal Logue. Just a good old boy who still likes Sara. Not romantically. Just buddies.

While water skiing, a shark takes the arm off of one of the kids. This unleashes a series of problems that just get worse and worse. But the guy who lost an arm and a whole lot of blood manages to stab a hammerhead shark to death in revenge for another shark eating his girlfriend.

Of course, the film does not leave it a mystery as to why the swamp is full of random sharks. Some of the creepy hicks did it. You know why? To get rich. Ah ha! An elaborate ransom scheme?! No! Do you guys know how popular Shark Week is?! DO YOU???? The creepy hicks think if they feed people to the sharks and film it, they will rake in the cash. So, yeah, not really a well thought out plan.

When the characters with the most depth and personality are the embarrassingly stereotypical redneck hicks, you know there are problems. I find myself forgetting just which of the characters died. I would wonder about where a character was…or worse, why they were suddenly back on the boat.

I feel like I need to say something positive.

The digital sharks look okay. Is that something? Yeah, that qualifies.

September 16, 2017 0

Not A Jaws Rip Off At All (The Last Shark, 1981)

Enzo G. Castellari‘s 1981 shark epic is in no way an unofficial remake of Jaws. It is entirely it’s own film with a unique plot.

The Last Shark is the story of a small town with a beach intended just for swimmers. No sharks allowed. And this one gigantic great white shark, we will call him Sharkey, gets pissed about this bigotry and segregation. Okay, well, not really, I mean, Sharkey is a shark, people. A big shark.

Anyways, there are a couple shark attacks and a guy keeps trying to tell the Mayor there is a shark. The mayor does not want to hurt tourism, so he keeps it a secret. And then a shark attacks people at a big event in front of a television audience no less. So some guys get in a boat and hunt the shark Completely different from Jaws. See? I mean, the “No Sharks Allowed” rule at Chief Brody’s beach was more implied.

This shark actually looks better than in Jaw 3-D two years later. That does not mean it looks good. Just better. The shark is a combination of stock footage of different kinds of sharks and a big immobile model. The model bobs up out of the water to “scare” people.

The film is full of shots of people doing things in slow motion. Running into the water. Running out of the water. Flotation balloons moving through the water. People windsurfing. There is a lot of slow motion shots in this film. A whole lot. Like, this hour and twenty minute film would be around thirty eight minutes if those slow motion scenes were played at a regular speed.

Really, the Last Shark is pretty unbearably boring that figures as long as you see a fin cut through the water and people in their swimsuits…and a cut rate Quint and the audience will be all in. And uh…well, you might be shocked to discover that this simply is not true.

September 15, 2017 0

Up From the Depths With a Vengeance (Jaws: The Revenge, 1987)

Apparently, the one thing that could kill the shark was this film. Opening up shortly before Christmas, we find Sean Brody is now working for the Amity police. He lives with his mother (a returning Lorraine Gary). He is called out to take care of a log floating in the bay. As he tries to get the log, a large great white shark attacks Sean.

Mike comes home to be with his grieving mother and invite her to return with him to his Bahaman home where he is studying snails. She gives in, though starts expressing a belief that the shark has returned to take out the family. And sure enough, once in the Bahamas, the shark appears.

Most of the film is spent with Michael and local pilot Hoagie trying to convince Ellen that it is all coincidence, but she knows better. In the meantime, Mike and his research partner Jake are secretly studying the giant great white.

While the idea that Ellen would be obsessed with the notion that the shark is seeking revenge on her family is intriguing…it is undermined by the fact that she is right. The shark is calculated, ignoring people who are not related to the Brody family (one death is because the shark misses a Brody) and showing itself a skilled hunter, navigating its way through a sunken ship. The dialog also seems to ignore that Chief Brody killed the previous to sharks, with Ellen and Mike talking as if this new shark is the same shark from earlier films.

The film gets even more improbable. It pretty much eats a plane (of course the shark downed a helicopter in the second film). The shark pops out of the water and roars. Like a dinosaur.

Jaws: the Revenge completely ignores Jaws 3-D, and tries very hard to ties itself to the first film. There are several duo-toned clips from the original, meant to draw parallels. Except, they are presented in a way that implies they are memories of Ellen’s. But she is recalling things she never witnessed. Martin killing the shark, Sean being killed by the shark…and so on and so on.

Really, all those call backs just bring more attention to how anemic this film is. Even Michael Caine couldn’t save it.

September 14, 2017 0

Up From the Depths & In Your Face (Jaws 3-D, 1983)

Jaws 3-D was almost titled National Lampoon’s Jaws 3, People Zero…or so the story goes. Spielberg apparently nixed the idea. Instead, we got Jaws 3-D. Set years after the second film, Mike Brody works for Sea World and is dating marine biologist Kay. His little brother Sean comes in for a visit and becomes smitten with Kelly, a Sea World Performer.

Sea World is preparing to unveil its new Undersea Kingdom…a sprawling underwater complex for tourists to enjoy. Overseen by the flamboyant Calvin Bouchard, he spares no expense when he sees potential dollar signs. He also brings in celebrity game hunter Manimal…uh…Philip Fitzroyce. Manimal…look it up, folks.

A baby great white enters the bay and is trapped inside. When discovered Kay convinces Bouchard to allow her to catch it for study, noting that having the only great white in captivity would bolster Sea World’s reputation. But baby jaws is the least of their problems when momma comes looking for her baby.

Jaws 3-D features an all new cast, with Dennis Quaid stepping into the shoes of Mike Brody. The film actually has a pretty good cast. Lea Thompson (in her film debut) as Sean’s love interest and Louis Gossett Jr. are fairly memorable.

But the story just is not all that compelling. Moving the setting to a theme park might make it all look bigger, but it is a pretty hollow story with no real emotional resonance.

In addition, I would say the film has some of the worst shark effects of the entire film, with the sharks looking like plastic toys. Jaws 3-D is inferior to both Jaws and Jaws 2.

September 13, 2017 0

Up From the Depths Redux (Jaws 2, 1978)

When you beget the first summer blockbuster, the studio will want to get back to that gold mine. Of course, Steven Spielberg did not return…reports include production conflicts as he was working on Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Others report that he thought sequels were a joke. Close Encounters also prevented Dreyfuss from Returning.

However, much of the central cast did return. Set a few years after the first film, Brody is still the Chief of police. He is struggling with his teenage son Mike. And when there are some mysterious deaths, Brody jumps to his default…a big shark. Unsurprisingly, everyone tells him he is crazy…I mean, ANOTHER shark? Who is this guy? John McClane?!

Of course, it is a shark, another great white to be exact…and it falls on Brody to put an end to it.

Jaws 2 is not really terrible. It can be downright suspenseful in fact. There are moments of high drama. But in this film, there is no Quint or Matt Hooper for Martin to play off of. He gets support from his wife, but in the end, it is all on Brody’s shoulders to kill the shark.

The film skips the hiding of the shark as the director felt there was no way to duplicate the original film’s big reveal. And he is correct. But the shark in this film seems even more rubbery, especially noticeable in a scene where the shark barely misses Mike Brody and slides against the boat.

Jaws 2 is a decent attempt to follow up the original, but in the end, it more imitates it, with only limited success.

I do have one question…after the events of the first film…who the heck voted to keep Mayor Vaughn in charge of things????

September 12, 2017 0

Up From the Depths (Jaws, 1975)

In 1975, Steven Spielberg created “The Summer Blockbuster”. Based on the book by Peter Benchley Jaws tells the story of police chief Martin Brody, who must deal with an aggressive great white shark that has invaded the beaches of his island community.

The film opens on a beach party, a young woman named Chrissie runs off with Cassidy for a late night skinny dipping session. While Chrissie swims, Cassidy passes out on the beach. Suddenly, Chrissie is jerked under water…she surfaces, now frightened, then she thrashes violently. We never see her attacker as she disappears below the water.

Chief Brody is a man frightened of water, yet lives on an island (He tells Matt Hooper that it is only an island if you are looking at it from the water). When the coroner suggests Chrissie was the victim of a shark attack, he leaps into action, only to be shut down by the Mayor, who does not want to close the beaches during tourist season. Only after a very public series of attacks do they allow Brody to take measures to destroy the shark. He is joined by marine biologist Matt Hooper and the gruff Quint.

Jaws may have kicked off the concept of a Summer Tentpole film, but that does not mean it is light fare. While there are plenty of thrills, Spielberg is focused on the characters and their stories. Brody loves his family and becomes worried for their safety. His wife Ellen is constantly trying to fight his obsession with the danger of the shark. But even she finds it hard not to give in. In one scene, Brody tells his son to get out of his small boat. Ellen tries to convince him not to worry…until she sees a picture in a book that Brody is holding showing a shark tearing through a boat.

The film has many great character moments, such as when Martin and his oldest son are sitting at the table and the son starts to imitate his father. It is a touching moment showing the connection Broody has with his family. Then there is a moment between Hooper and Quint on Quint’s boat where they compare scars.

The performances in the film are compelling. Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw and Richard Dreyfuss have a terrific chemistry.

The shark (nicknamed Bruce) tends to look pretty fake, and due to limitations of the time, Spielberg chose to cut the movie in a way that would hide these issues. And it is a wise move that builds suspense effectively.

In later years, Benchley became an advocate for sharks, feeling both his book and the film created an irrational fear of sharks that resulted in people slaughtering them. But still, Jaws is an effective classic, worth watching.

September 11, 2017 0