The title of the review comes from an actual line in the film. Of course, nothing seems to challenge Michael Bay’s toy based Franchise…as of this writing there are three more films (one being a Bumblebee spinoff film) in the pipeline. There is no stopping it…not even this film. It picks up ten years after the destruction in Chicago. They have repaired and now the government is trying to wipe the Autobots and Decepticons out entirely. To that end they have a space robot helping them who has an agenda of his own.
Nobody knows where Optimus Prime is…and it turns out he suffered massive damage and is now asleep in an abandoned movie theater. He is found by failing inventor Cade. Cade and his hot daughter are on the verge of losing their house. His friend Lucas, hot daughter Tessa and her street racer boyfriend escape their house after government agents show up to claim Optimus Prime (who Cade revived). Much of the film seems to be going in the direct of Cade finally being less distrustful of his daughter and accepting her boyfriend Shane. Shane shows himself to be highly competent throughout much of the film. So it makes sense that maybe they become friends.
They discover that businessman/genius has been building his own robots, his pride and joy being Galvatron. You can probably see where this goes way wrong. Eventually he teams with Cade to save the planet from a bomb left by the Robot Bounty Hunter who reveals that the folks who created the Autobots and Decepticons want to take them back and get rid of them. Basically, it is the plot from Prometheus.
Remember my thoughts on Cade and his relationship to his daughter and her boyfriend? Boy was I wrong. For some reason they opted to make Shane totally incompetent and a complete fool that Cade has to suffer through. And when Cade saves the days? His daughter grabs her boyfriend and gives him all the credit for saving them. It is a sudden and unnecessary character change to make Cade look good, but it just does not work in any way. It is not even funny.
This is a better film than Revenge of the Fallen, but then, that is not saying much. But it does have Optimus Prime Riding a Robotic T-Rex.
So the Autobots came to earth in an attempt to escape with a weapon the Decepticons wanted. It was lost when it bumped into our moon. On board is Sentinal Prime. Turns out when they established Optimus was the Last Prime in the previous film…it was incorrect.
The story goes that they started filming the movie without a full script. Not a rough script…an unfinished script lacking an end…among other things. It is a real mess of ideas and makes for a completely incoherent film. Sam goes to college, leaves Mikaela behind until the action kicks in. And the army guys and Autobots are a team. Remember how the Autobots came to Earth for the All Spark? Wait, it is not why…now they came to stop the Fallen, who came to earth thousands of years ago. And Optimus Prime is Autobot Jesus. There are black stereotype Autobots (what is it woth Bay and race based “humor”?). The film brings in the Constructicons who make one big vacuum cleaner.
When it was announced that there was a live action Transformers movie on the way, former kids everywhere rejoiced. Even when it was announced that Eye Candy & Explosions Master Michael Bay was directing the film, we did not let that stop our hopes for “Awesome”. The final product? Well, I guess it as as good as any Alien Robots That Turn Into Cars and Stuff movie could be.