Roid Rage Part 4 (Kull the Conqueror, 1997)

Kull_the_Conqueror_PosterBased on the popularity of Hercules the Legendary Journeys and Xena Warrior Princess, an attempt was made to revisit the worlds of Robert E. Howard.  This time, it was another of his sword and sorcery heroes.  Kull is a barbarian who blunders his way into the crown.

Really. He is trying to join an army, but the general mocks him, noting his army is comprised of men of noble blood and Kull is a mere barbarian.  The General is called back to the castle because the King is slaughtering all his next of kin. Kull shows up, gets into a fight with the king, slaying him.  As both the general and one of the King’s sons tries to claim the throne, the King gives them the finger and proclaims Kull King with his dying breath.

Rules are rules, and so Kull gets to live the good life.  Meanwhile, this shady guy with a beast man assistant is resurrecting an ancient sorceress who happens to be the magically babelicious Tia Carrere.  She plans to rule her kingdom again and seduces Kull.  After she and her minion convince everyone Kull was poisoned by a member of his Harem, Kull is tossed into slavery, but he escapes.  Then they go on a mission to get the magical power that can stop Carrere.

This is a pretty sub-par tale, even by fantasy standards.  It is not pulpy fun, and in spite of being a theatrical release? It feels like a weak TV movie. And frankly, the appeal of Sorbo is kind of lost on me here.

Kull is a lifeless adaption of Howard’s work.

Roid Rage Part 2 (Conan the Destroyer, 1984)

Conan_the_Destroyer_PosterConan the Barbarian was a decent size hit, so a sequel was put into motion. Conan and his narrator Akiro the wizard.  They are joined by comic relief and thief Malak.  The Queen Taramis calls upon the trio to join her guard Bombaata in escorting the virginal Princess Jehnna to retrieve a mystical gem.  Her goal is to harness the power of Dagoth, god of dreams.

Along their journey they add the fierce warrior Zula.  Grace Jones is a striking figure in this role.

The story is slightly more detailed than the previous film, with Conan being a bit more talkative, though still mostly relying his physically imposing presence.  Wilt Chamberlain’s Bombaata is effective as a counter to Conan.

There are some moments that become almost comical that I suspect were not meant to be.  One example is a sequence where a monster swings Conan by his ankles…and it looks hilariously goofy.

That said, I kind of enjoy this film a bit more than the first film.  I think it is a bit more fun and the plot device is more interesting. The first film is another revenge plot, here, Conan is more of a Mad Max type of lead.

As an aside, I love that instead of calling the film Conan 2 or Conan the Barbarian II, they went with Conan the Destroyer.  I wish more films would do that with pulp and comic book origins.  Marvel has kind of started doing this (after missing opportunities like Invincible Iron Man).  But I think it helps give this film it’s own identity.

There has been talk about a third Schwarzeneggar film, called King Conan, paying off on the final images of the first film.  But I am not to hopeful after the recent attempt at reviving the franchise in film was not so successful.

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