Roid Rage Part 3 (Red Sonja, 1985)

Red_Sonja_PosterThis film is an example of not getting your ducks in a row.  The producers wanted to capitalize on the success of Conan.  They decided on Red Sonja, a warrior woman within the same universe.  Well, sort of.  Red Sonja as written by Howard was not set in the world of Conan at all. She was a swashbuckler in the 16th century.  Roy Thomas introduced her in the Conan comics.

The producers convinced Arnold to return as Conan for what was supposed to be a glorified cameo, though, basically, he was tricked into a co-starring role.  But here is where they also ran into problems.  It turns out they did not have the rights to use Conan.  So, instead, after a brief prologue getting us up to speed on Red Sonja’s past (her family was killed when she rejected the advances of the evil Queen Gedren, who also had Sonja raped by her soldiers) we see Not Conan.  Now called Kalidor, he is on a mission, but keeps running into dead ends.  His destination is a temple where Priestesses are preparing to destroy a Mcguffin called the Talisman.  It is super powerful, so evil people want it, and the ceremony is interrupted by Queen Gedren.

One Priestess escapes and finds Not Conan.   She is Red Sonja’s sister.  Red Sonja has been training to be the Ultimate Warrior. And her trainer confirms she is officially the best.  But she should really trust men better.  This is one of those weird cartoon feminism things.  It also is a little odd that she is only distrustful of men, considering it was the Queen that had her family killed.  But whatever.

Red Sonja goes on a quest for vengeance after her sister dies, but also to, you know, destroy the Talisman.  She is joined by Not Conan, a boy prince and his man servant, the Beast Rabban. The second two characters are more comic relief, which undermines any possible seriousness the film has.  And Brigitte Nielson is not the most charismatic actress as Red Sonja.  Which is a problem, as she has to carry the weight of the film. Add to that the fact that this is her film debut and it seems remarkably unfair to her.

Directed by the same man who directed Conan the Destroyer, Richard Fleischer, this film really lacks the excitement of the Conan Films. A lot of the action seems repetitive and kind of boring. Red Sonja has enjoyed a resurgence in popularity, but this film does her no service.

Roid Rage Part 2 (Conan the Destroyer, 1984)

Conan_the_Destroyer_PosterConan the Barbarian was a decent size hit, so a sequel was put into motion. Conan and his narrator Akiro the wizard.  They are joined by comic relief and thief Malak.  The Queen Taramis calls upon the trio to join her guard Bombaata in escorting the virginal Princess Jehnna to retrieve a mystical gem.  Her goal is to harness the power of Dagoth, god of dreams.

Along their journey they add the fierce warrior Zula.  Grace Jones is a striking figure in this role.

The story is slightly more detailed than the previous film, with Conan being a bit more talkative, though still mostly relying his physically imposing presence.  Wilt Chamberlain’s Bombaata is effective as a counter to Conan.

There are some moments that become almost comical that I suspect were not meant to be.  One example is a sequence where a monster swings Conan by his ankles…and it looks hilariously goofy.

That said, I kind of enjoy this film a bit more than the first film.  I think it is a bit more fun and the plot device is more interesting. The first film is another revenge plot, here, Conan is more of a Mad Max type of lead.

As an aside, I love that instead of calling the film Conan 2 or Conan the Barbarian II, they went with Conan the Destroyer.  I wish more films would do that with pulp and comic book origins.  Marvel has kind of started doing this (after missing opportunities like Invincible Iron Man).  But I think it helps give this film it’s own identity.

There has been talk about a third Schwarzeneggar film, called King Conan, paying off on the final images of the first film.  But I am not to hopeful after the recent attempt at reviving the franchise in film was not so successful.

Culture Clash (Clash of the Titans, 1981)

Clash_Of_The_Titans_1981_PosterGreek myths are some of the original action stories.  Filled with god, heroes, and monsters, they still capture the imagination thousands of years after their originators have passed.

In 1981 we got one of the most memorable of the “recent” forays into Greek storytelling.

The king of Argos has locked away his daughter in fear of a prophecy that if she bore a son, that son would kill him.  But Zeus falls in love with the lovely Danae and impregnates her. He has Danae and her son Perseus entombed and thrown into the sea.  But Zeus is angered and has Poseidon release the remaining Titan the Kraken upon Argos, destroying it. Instead of dying, Danae and Perseus wash ashore.

Zeus watches over Perseus, causing strife with his wife Hera and Thetic, a sea goddess.  This comes to a head when Zeus becomes angry with her son Calibos.  He is a handsome young man destined to marry the beautiful Princess Andromeda, daughter of Queen Cassiopeia. Zeus is angered by Calibos’ cruelty and disrespect, citing his having hunted and killed all but one of the winged horses Zeus had created.  He turns Calibos into a misshapen cloven-hoofed monster, left to rule in a swamp.  Thetis curses Andromeda, requiring that each man who comes to pursue her must answer a riddle.  If they fail, they are put to death.

Hero help Thetis set in motion a revenge plan, in which Calibos might end the life of Perseus.  But Zeus provides him with special weapons that allow him to best Calibos and find the answer to the riddle.  Perseus and Andromeda are to be wed, but when Cassiopeia oversteps and proclaims Andromeda more beautiful than Thetis herself, Thetis demands that Andromeda is to be given as a virgin sacrifice to the Kraken.  Zeus reluctantly agrees, but Perseus is determined to save her and seeks to find something that will allow him to stop the sacrifice.

The final film to feature the stop-motion grandeur of Ray Harryhausen, Clash of the Titans is an exciting adventure.  While there is no reality to them in comparison to modern model and cgi work, they have a unique and enjoyable charm to watch.  There is a physicality to the visuals.

Medusa is the true highlight of the monsters in the film, her scary visage and every movement to inspire fear.

While the characterization of Zeus is a bit kinder than the actual myths, the overall pettiness of the gods is still at play. The actors also bring a regalness, from Laurence Olivier to Maggie Smith.Harry Hamlin has a chiseled from clay look (and super pouty lips) and Judi Bowker is luminous as Andromeda.

Clash of the Titans was not the last of these types of films (There were two Lou Ferrigno Hercules films), but it feels like it closes an era.  But Clash of the Titans is a minor classic of fantasy films.

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