Crypt Keepin’ Carpenter (Body Bags, 1993)

body-bags-coverAn attempt by Showtime to create a Horror Anthology to compete with HBO’s Tales From the Crypt, Body Bags both starred and featured direction from John Carpenter.  Showtime killed the series but released the three shorts set against bookend segments hosted by Carpenter as a creepy coroner.  His assistant was Tobe Hooper, director of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Both directed a segment as well.

Just like the Crypt Keeper, the Coroner makes schlocky jokes, before introducing the story.  It is not entirely certain each bookend was meant for the story that followed.

The first tale, the Gas Station, is about a young woman on her first night working at a gas station on a lonely stretch of road.  After a parade of weirdos, she discovers she is being stalked by a serial killer.  It is not a unique story, but it is well done, with a nice little twist.  Wes Craven has an amusing cameo as a creepy drunk who hits on the young woman.

The second segment, Hair, is about a man who is obsessed with his thinning hair.  In spite of his girlfriend’s insistence that it does not matter to her, he cannot stop fearing losing his hair.  Everywhere he looks he sees luxurious heads of hair.  He drives his girlfriend away because he won’t accept himself.  One night, he discovers a clinic that promise actual regrowth of lost hair.  Richard runs to the clinic for their service.  He is stunned when they try and talk him out of it, but he wants hair.  But in the end, he finds the hair wants him just as much as he wants it.  This is an entertaining story with and entertaining performance from Stacy Keach.  This is also the most humorous of the stories.

The best segment is the Eye, starring Mark Hamill as a minor league baseball player whose career is cut short when he loses an eye. He is offered a chance at a new experimental surgery that gives him a donor eye.  But with the eye comes dark and depraved visions.  Are they his own or the previous owner of the eye? Hamill gives a strong performance.  Of the three tales, this is the best of the bunch.

As with all anthologies, some installments are better than others.  But thankfully, in the case of Body Bags, all three are ranging from decent to very good.  While the first two segments are directed by John Carpenter, the Eye is directed by Tobe Hooper.  This is an enjoyable film.  And for those curious…you get to see Luke Skywalker’s bare butt.

 

 

A Bond By Any Other Name… (Kingsman: The Secret Service, 2015)

kingsman-the-secret-service-posterLike Matthew Vaughn’s previous Mark Millar adaption (Kick Ass), Kingsman: The Secret Service promises to be a bold and irreverent take on it’s genre.  Kick Ass poked fun at super-heroes through excessive violence and profanity.  Kingsman follows through.  It is irreverent, extremely violent at times and full of profanity.

And yet, it seems to be a bit more loving of it’s target.  It is as much homage to the classic spy films of the past.  Colin Firth’s Galahad is older, handsome and stylish.  He seems proper and speaks of manners even in a fist fight.  Eggsy (Taron Egerton) is a rough hooligan lacking a sense of manners.

But when we first meet Eggsy, his father has died, and the promising future is dashed.  His father was a secret agent, a member of the Kingsman organization.  Heartbroken, his mother appeared to have never recovered from that loss.  Eggsy gets in trouble with the police, only to meet Galahad who invites him to join the Kingsman Organization.

Unsurprisingly the other recruits are high society kids.  The film focuses heavily on Eggsy going through each test, and building his friendship with Galahad.  The central villain is a flamboyant tech genius named Valentine (Samuel L. Jackson).  His goal is to wipe out a massive number of the human population to save the world from global warning.  One of his more interesting quirks is that he does not take pleasure or joy in the actual death, but he is certain that it is a worthy end.

The film is comically violent (there are at least two scenes of massive carnage) far more than any Bond film ever managed.  But the film manages to be entertaining.  There is good humor, and the cast has great chemistry together.  I especially liked how the three women are characters, not love interests. One of his competitors, Roxy (Sophie Cookson) is his equal, and he supports her not because he wants to date her, but because they are friends.

Eggsy is a troubled guy, but he is decent, a supportive friend, cares deeply for his mother and baby sister…he has solid qualities that Galahad seeks to steer towards a greater good.

The film is, all in all, quite a bit of fun.  The characters are likable, the cast is solid through and through.  It is an effective action movie, even if some of the beats are somewhat predictable.  The film embraces it’s super-spy inspirations and follows the conventions.  It does it with fun style (Valentine’s henchwoman is pure old school Bond).

While there are moments that seem to relish the crass violence, overall this film is an effective adventure that left me smiling.

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