John Putch – Tripping Through Gateways

Jaws 3-D was almost titled National Lampoon’s Jaws 3, People Zero…or so the story goes. Spielberg apparently nixed the idea. Instead, we got Jaws 3-D. Set years after the second film, Mike Brody works for Sea World and is dating marine biologist Kay. His little brother Sean comes in for a visit and becomes smitten with Kelly, a Sea World Performer.

Sea World is preparing to unveil its new Undersea Kingdom…a sprawling underwater complex for tourists to enjoy. Overseen by the flamboyant Calvin Bouchard, he spares no expense when he sees potential dollar signs. He also brings in celebrity game hunter Manimal…uh…Philip Fitzroyce. Manimal…look it up, folks.

A baby great white enters the bay and is trapped inside. When discovered Kay convinces Bouchard to allow her to catch it for study, noting that having the only great white in captivity would bolster Sea World’s reputation. But baby jaws is the least of their problems when momma comes looking for her baby.

Jaws 3-D features an all new cast, with Dennis Quaid stepping into the shoes of Mike Brody. The film actually has a pretty good cast. Lea Thompson (in her film debut) as Sean’s love interest and Louis Gossett Jr. are fairly memorable.

But the story just is not all that compelling. Moving the setting to a theme park might make it all look bigger, but it is a pretty hollow story with no real emotional resonance.

In addition, I would say the film has some of the worst shark effects of the entire film, with the sharks looking like plastic toys. Jaws 3-D is inferior to both Jaws and Jaws 2.

The seventh film in the franchise attempts to right the sails by focusing on a new set of young men. There is still a Stifler, but he is the bad guy and foil of the lead and his buddies. Rob (Bug Hall) and his pals Nathan and Lube (really, the nicknames in the middle part of this franchise are terrible) discover the titular Book of Love. This plot device is actually something from the first film. It is a tome that guys added their own experiences to and it supposed to spill the secrets on how to get girls in to bed and how to drive them wild.

The boys try to make the book work to their favor, but everything keeps backfiring. Rob really want to just make things work out with his best friend Heidi (2 Broke Girls’ Beth Behrs). He wants to date her bad, but she is focused on wanting to just lose her virginity.

Eventually, something happens to the book, so the boys set about recreating it with the help of Mr. Levenstein and a host of “Special Appearances by” that really seem to not come together. I mean, technically, they all had roles in notable college/high school films such as Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Soul Man and Revenge of the Nerds…but none of those really come to mind when they appear.

While the early films had embarrassments like being caught by parents masturbating, the Book of Love writers really up the ante…and not for the better. Rob is caught by his little brother getting pleasured by the family dog (accidentally) which goes viral, because his brother filmed it (!). Would this really be something that a kid face minor ribbing at school? Rob seems to bounce back from every humiliation quite well. And the film mines Moose rape for comedic purposes. Because a guy getting raped by an amorous moose is just hysterical.

The film throws in bizarre plot developments. After Rob and Heidi confess they are really into each other, she suddenly decides to lose her virginity to Stifler for…reasons? The storyline with Rob’s friend Lube is a tired trope in which the schlep desires the top sexy cheerleader. Listen, the less attractive person who wins over the attractive person can be done well…and it happens in real life. But it is also ridiculously overplayed in male fantasy.

Like other films in the series, women behave in improbable ways, because the creators really do not put much thought into the female characters. They mainly are whatever the need to be for the scene. So, for instance, Ashley (the previously mentioned cheerleader) is a mean girl who humiliates Rob. In another she is just the misunderstood girl who can be won over by Lube.

The film tries to bring back the charms of the original, but the characters are not up to the task. The film often overshoots and the result is another disappointment.

Tag: John Putch

Up From the Depths & In Your Face (Jaws 3-D, 1983)

Baked Goods Part 7 (American Pie Presents tBook of Love, 2009)