Just Because… (Warcraft, 2016)

So…apparently, a horde of angry and evil Orcs travel through a portal to take over the world of Azeroth. Some of the Orcs side with the humans, because “Not All Orcs” or some such.

To be honest? I watched this movie based on the popular Blizzard Entertainment open world game twice. I know people got super immersed in the game. I have never played it and do not know much beyond it is kind of like D&D…? And after two viewings, I remember very little about it. My last viewing was actually less than 24 hours from when I am typing this. And I absolutely have no strong memory about the film. Which is disappointing.

I remember it had Jesse Custer and Tulip from Preacher in it. And Ben Foster. And a sexy orc woman. Kind of a taller, more muscular Orion Slave Girl from Star Trek. Some magic powered guy talked about how he renounced his vows and wants to still help the kingdom fight the evil orcs. Lots of fights that did not make a whole lot of overall sense. Or rather the plot seemed remarkably inconsequential.

I kind of hate writing these types of reviews. I actually don’t like spending a tremendous amount of time tearing movies down. Certainly, so movies are so ridiculous that they inspire hilarity. And that can be a bit fun to write.

But Warcraft? It is a competently made film. It has a perfectly good cast. And this is from Duncan Jones, a director who I think is quite talented. And yet, it just was…painfully forgettable. Not a good sign since, according to IMDB, the title is actually Warcraft: The Beginning.

December 3, 2017 0

Doling Out the Punishment (The Punisher, 2004)

There is a lot to like…and yeeet…

Created in the early 1970’s by Gerry Conway, John Romita Sr. and Ross Andru, he debuted in Amazing Spider-man # 129, the first attempt at the Punisher was in the 80’s. It starred Dolph Lundgren. At the time the casting seemed like an obvious choice. But then the movie came out. It was really more like they had a Dolph Lundgren action movie and decided they should market it as the Punisher because…hey, why not? He did not even have the skull as part of his outfit.

The Punisher was enjoying a resurgence thanks to the immensely popular series being handled by Garth Ennis. Ennis brought a wicked sense of humor to the character combined with an over the top approach to the violence (certainly not a new formula for Ennis, but rather his stock and trade).

Certainly, the Punisher seems like an obvious character to adapt. He is not special effects intensive and his costume is not that complex. To accommodate the age of the actor (Thomas Jane) they opted to make him an Iraq War vet who is now in the FBI. After a drug bust results in the death of drug lord Howard Saint’s (John Travolta) youngest son, Frank Castle finds his entire family dead. In the comics, it is his wife and kids…in the film? It’s at a family reunion. So, like, the entire extended family is slaughtered. Talk about raising the stakes.

Frank survives the attack, because boy would this be a short movie if he died… and goes out for revenge. Frank hides out in a shabby apartment complex that also is inhabited by Joan the Mouse (Rebecca Romijn), Spacker Dave (Ben Foster) and Bumpo (John Pinette). Joan is a nervous woman, hassled by an abusive boyfriend, while Bumpo is an overweight guy with a grand love of cooking. Spacker Dave is just kind of a strange dude. They are curious about their new occupant, who never seems to interact with them.

Frank has converted his apartment to an armory. He kidnaps low-level employee of Howard Saint Mickey (Eddie Jemison). In an odd torture sequence (done more to show how clever the Punisher is-as he never actually hurts Mickey) he coerces Mickey to be his eyes and ears and his informant.

Castle works his way through Saint’s men working up to Saint himself. In the end, the Punisher leaves Joan, Spacker Dave and Bumpo behind (but leaves them a little gift) and gets ready for the Punisher 2.

I said there is a lot to like. For one thing, the film has a terrific cast. Jane is a credible Frank Castle and is able to make the character dark and brooding-while finding the humor. Frank doesn’t crack jokes, but his actions can border on the comical. During his torture of Mickey, he explains how a blowtorch flame is so hot, it feels cold as it cooks the skin… he then presses a popsicle to the sufficiently freaked out Mickey’s back. When the session is done, he shoves the popsicle in Mickey’s mouth (causing Mickey to realize he was played). The fight with the Russian follows the comic closely, with Frank taking a beating while his neighbor obliviously prepare a meal.

The film touches on the quirkiness in the Ennis Punisher run. The inclusion of Joan, Spacker Dave and Bumpo was good, as it gives the Punisher some human interaction that is not fighting or killing. The Punisher is a smart and clever man in the film, which is an important aspect of the character.

Romaijn is kind of odd choice for Joan. In the comic, Joan is pretty plain… Romaijn is/was a Super model. They end up making her Hollywood Plain. She does a good enough job…but still…

The flaw of the film is Howard Saint. Not because Travolta is bad in the role. He chews the scenery in an entertaining way. But he really is “generic mob villain.” Welcome Back Frank (the clear inspiration for much of the film) featured a memorable mobster in Ma Gnucci and her sons… Ma survives an attack from the Punisher and is just as dangerous with no arms or legs.

To include over the top stuff like the Russian (Kevin Nash) and Harry Heck (country singer Mark Collie-the character is the answer to “What if Johnny Cash was a mob assassin?”) but then not go as over the top with the main villain? It just keeps the film from being as good as it could have been. The issue with the Russian is that he is silent. In the comics he is ridiculously talkative. Plus, they never use Detective Soap from the comics, who played for strong comic relief throughout Ennis’ run.

And in the comics, the Punisher punches a bear. Why wasn’t that in this film?!

September 23, 2016 0

Gene Splicing (X3:The Last Stand, 2006)

X-2 was how you build upon a decent movie to make a great second film creating excitement for your franchise. Annnnnnd this one is how you screw it up.

It all starts with Warner Brothers deciding that their superhero films were missing a vital link to making their movies awesome. Getting the guys who made those good X-Men movies. And Bryan Singer answered their call-swayed by his love for the first two Superman movies and he took his major players with him.

Fox and Marvel started to work on a replacement. Darren Aronofsky, Alex Proya, Joss Whedon, Rob Bowman and Zack Snyder were all considered before setting up a deal with Matthew Vaughn (Stardust). After a brief time, Vaughn felt he could not be away from his family for the length of time making the film would require, so he dropped out.

Which leads us to Brett Ratner. Funny enough, before Singer, Ratner was considered for the original X-Men film. Since then he had a string of moderate successes in the Rush Hour films and Red Dragon. I am not going to lie…I cringed at the announcement.

So, the film starts out in the past, with Charles Xavier and Eric Lehnsherr (Magneto) going to meet with young Jean Grey and her parents. Both Xavier and Lehnsherr are taken aback by the latent power house within the child Jean Grey. I am more amazed at the some what humorous digital de-aging of Stewart and McKellen which makes them look kind like…they are made of plastic.

The scene then switches to a young boy in a bathroom. His father is pounding on the door for him to open up… honestly, this is one of the most solid scenes in the film as the young boy is attempting to keep a secret from his father. But his father manages to break in and we see the reveal that he was using a razor blade in an attempt to hack off bird-like wings. There is a real sense of heartbreak, and the actor playing young Warren Worthington is terrific.

We jump to the “near future” with what looks to be a city in ruins with young X-Men under attack. In the end, it is revealed to be a Danger Room training exercise. This is a first, as the Danger Room has not been seen until this film. We also see a Sentinel head in the simulation .

The film draws from Joss Whedon’s “mutant cure” storyline in Astonishing X-Men and the Phoenix Saga…minus pretty much everything from the Phoenix Saga. Cyclops is really broken up, he has stubble, so you know it is bad. Marsten was in Superman returns, so they get rid of him quickly. The story is an interesting idea, the cure for mutant abilities, allowing mutants to no longer be mutants. but it is second fiddle at times to the Phoenix storyline. In the comics, the Phoenix Saga is a large and dramatic storyline that spanned several issues. But here it is compressed into two small hours, lacking much of the

The strongest point of the film is the cast. Along with the cast of regulars, we get Ben Foster as Angel, Kelsey Grammer as the Beast (inspired casting if there ever was) and Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde. While Foster is not as pretty as I pictured Angel to be, he is a solid performer.

Ian McKellan is terrific as usual. He is able to seem dangerous and cruel, yet can seem generous and wise at the turn of a hat. At one point, Pyro makes mention that he would have killed Xavier for him…and Magneto stops and looks sternly at Pyro and defends the greatness of Xavier. McKellan has always done a wonderful job of selling the idea that Magneto truly loved and cared for his friend-in spite of being on opposite sides of the issue. His delivery of the Magneto speeches are poetic.

The problem is…the film is a mish mash of ideas. It has great moments, but it is filled with lazy writing. The resolution of the Phoenix story is troubling. Rather than letting her sacrifice herself what we get is depressing and problematic. The character could not just “get better”, she had killed to many people to come back from that. And she is so powerful, that letting her go forward would be hard to defend and there is no way to “imprison” her. The original story was grandly cosmic, and I realize that it was unlikely that we would see that version on film. Brett Ratner is clearly trying to go big, but it tends to fall short. Characters get short changed and used without much thought of their potential. It is by the books, taking interesting ideas from the comics and executing them badly. Professor X is basically reduced to Professor Exposition, leaving Stewart to fend for himself in a massively reduced role. I realize some of this may have been related to actors schedules and the like, but there is little effort to deal with the absences in a way other than to hope you forget they are not there. And what is the point of de-powering Magneto if you are going to end on him getting his power back right before the credits roll?

Rogue should be the real heart of this story. Her struggle is easy to connect to. She wants contact, but her powers prevent that. Yet, the character disappears for large swaths of the film. She misses the final battle entirely.

The film has some good effects, and often the actors overcome stiff or lazy dialog…but in the end, after the powerful and exciting X2, this movie just trips over itself.

This is the Alien: Resurrection of the franchise. And yet, it was better than Superman Returns. Go figure.

July 27, 2016 0