Mike Mendez – Tripping Through Gateways

The film opens with a an attractive girl in a leather jacket and sunglasses enters a convent and proceeds to blow away nuns with a shot gun before burning the place down… all played to the strains of “You Don’t Own Me” by Lesley Gore. This is a highly effective scene. There is a tongue in cheek tone set by this that carries through the whole film.

The film jumps ahead to the present (well, 2000). A bunch of college kids visit the convent to smoke dope, make-out and commit acts of vandalism. But some aspiring satanists show up, hoping to get power with a ritual sacrifice. Except, these are one of the most inept groups of satanists you will likely ever meet.

As noted, the Convent is a very tongue in cheek film. And the dialog tends to be pretty solid. The performances are pretty good, in large part because everyone seems to be having a lot of fun with it. There is a character in the film that reminds me totally of Richmond from the IT Crowd…but, uh the movie came first. Adrienne Barbeau is also awesomely badass in the film.

It is also full of gore, though all the demons seem to have neon blood, making it all very cartoonish.

I will say, there is some humor that has not aged particularly well. It is amusing when two guys are tied up as ritual sacrifices and one character suggests they have sex. The joke plays out to long, and goes from funny to uncomfortable as it pushes the gay character into the role of a predator continuing to push the other guy for sex.

But the Convent is a whole lot of gore infused fun, and just does not seem to be recognized much anymore. I would recommend it, as it still holds up as a fun flick.

The horror anthology format is one that can yield tremendous success (Trick’r Treat, Creepshow) or terrible results (Creepshow 3, V/H/S 3). It has a somewhat spotty history, but the tradition holds strong. Probably the most ambitious, but not entirely successful were the two ABC’s of Death films, which each contained 26 short films. Tales of Halloween keeps it to ten stories, which is probably the limit for getting a good yield of stories.

The film uses the framing device of a small town where every Halloween the dead walk, ghouls play and monsters eat. Guiding us through the tales is (in a pretty obvious homage to her role in the fog) radio host Adrienne Barbeau (Creepshow, Swamp Thing).

The stories are hit or miss, with an uneven tone, but when they hit? They are terrific fun. Standouts include The Night Billy Raised Hell, the Ransom of Rusty Rex, Bad Seed, and Friday the 31st. What makes all those stories work is their sense of humor. All are having more fun than trying to be scary.

This Means War starts out strong, but ends kind of weakly.

Friday the 31st starts out like a slasher story, complete with an obvious Jason type…but then takes a complete left turn. The Ransom of Rusty Rex tells a tale of ambitious kidnappers who grab a rich man’s (John Landis, director of American Werewolf in London) son while he is trick or treating. Except, the boy is a bit more of a hellion than anticipated.

On the other hand, Sweet Tooth goes more for the traditional monster/urban legend territory…and it ends exactly like you expect it to. The Weak and the Wicked lacks any real life in it’s narrative, and for being a short, fails to do much in it’s premise of revenge.

In the end, I found the film an enjoyable watch, with some good humor, fun cameos and even a few scares. It is not quite Trick’r Treat, but it is some good Halloween fun.

Tag: Mike Mendez

Stupid College Kids vs Demon Nuns (The Convent, 2000)

Many Tales To Tell (Tales of Halloween, 2015)