The Bigger They Come Part 13 (Godzilla, 1998)

godzilla_1998_posterInstead of  just re-editing existing films, American  studios got the rights to produce an actual American Godzilla feature.  And so, being an American feature, they thought they should rebuild Godzilla from the ground up.  So we get a totally new look for Godzilla.  But in the end, we get something that kind of looks like Godzilla, but not really.

The film tells us that Godzilla is the result of nuclear irradiated iguana eggs.  Which, takes away the epic nature of the monster.  And while the original Godzilla feasted on atomic power?  Our American monster desires fish.  Lots and lots of fish.

The film focuses on Mathew Broderick’s Nico a scientist called in to try and determine what Godzilla is for the American military.  There are a ridiculously large amount of ongoing plots competing with each other (failed romance, french spies, government ignorance, giant eggs!).

Everything in the film is big, as this is the dawn of the “event film” as we now know them.  I get not going with a “man in a suit” approach, but the redesign feels unnecessarily extreme.  They so reduce Godzilla to a typical animal, much is lost.  There is no atomic fire breathing, because this Godzilla is just a mutated lizard.  By keeping it so “down to earth”, it keeps the film from having to much fun with this crazy notion of a giant lizard wandering New York.  When all is said and done, this is an uninspired remake that finds a way to make Godzilla a bit boring.

Moonshine (Transformers: Dark of the Moon,2011)

Transformers-Dark-Of-The-Moon-PosterSo the Autobots came to earth in an attempt to escape with a weapon the Decepticons wanted.  It was lost when it bumped into our moon.  On board is Sentinal Prime.  Turns out when they established Optimus was the Last Prime in the previous film…it was incorrect.

Sam is no longer with Mikaela, instead he lives with his new hot girlfriend who is introduced to the audience with a five minute tracking shot focused solely on her ass.  Because what better way to introduce you cast member.  It is not presented with any eye of satire or self criticism.  The Autobot’s relationship with the Government is a bit stressed, and when there is a betrayal, the Decepticons make a threat to the world to get rid of the Autobots.  Chicago is totaled as they take over.

Again, the effects look great and the cast is absurdly good.  Frances McDormand, Alan Tudyk, Leonard Nimoy and John Malkovich join the mostly returning cast.  But the frustrating thing here is that some of the characterization feels off.  The fact that Sam is still lacking any confidence is tremendously nervous is tiring.  He is a goof, yet (among other things) gets stunning girlfriends and has directly saved the world twice before this film.  There is no evidence that people think he is a joke, so the idea he cannot get a higher level job than a mail-room clerk is hard to believe.  The character has not grown at all since his introduction in 2007.

In the beginning, Optimus Prime is pretty in character as a noble leader and warrior.  But towards the end of the film he lets thousands die to teach Earth a lesson about how needed the Autobots are.  He coldly kills characters who are surrendering and begging for mercy.

I noted in the Revenge of the Fallen review that Fox was gone after that.  According to production interviews with Bay the reason Fox was gone?  She looked different when she came in for the third film.  He heavily implies that she had enough surgery that she looked nothing like her character anymore.  Bay laments that “for some reason” women in the entertainment industry feel a need to “change their looks”.  Has Michael Bay actually seen one of his movies?  Because if he has, he might get a clue as to why actresses “change their appearance”.  And to replace Fox?  He hired a model (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) who had never acted before.  Because being an actress is unnecessary for a Michael Bay film.

The story is another revision to the series…every film to this point revises why the Autobots and Decepticons are here.  The effects and stunts are the high point.  And that is about it.  Maybe these are the best they can do with a toy robot collection.  But that should not be the case.  Creativity should be possible, even with a toy based franchise.

What Script? (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, 2009)

transformers-revenge-of-the-fallen-posterThe story goes that they started filming the movie without a full script.  Not a rough script…an unfinished script lacking an end…among other things.  It is a real mess of ideas and makes for a completely incoherent film.  Sam goes to college, leaves Mikaela behind until the action kicks in.  And  the army guys and Autobots are a team.  Remember how the Autobots came to Earth for the All Spark?  Wait, it is not why…now they came to stop the Fallen, who came to earth thousands of years ago.  And Optimus Prime is Autobot Jesus.  There are black stereotype Autobots (what is it woth Bay and race based “humor”?).  The film brings in the Constructicons who make one big vacuum cleaner.

The cast is, as before quite good.  But they seem lost and unsure where they are going…I almost expect to see a script supervisor to run into frame and hand people pages with their updated lines and story.  The mess has great effect, but raises weird questions.  The Decepticons send a sexy girl to go after Sam.  She looks and apparently feels human to the touch…if this is a possibility…um, why are they turning into cars and planes and tape decks?!

Why?

This is the film that got Megan Fox in trouble…she called Bay Hitler.  And word is Producer Steven Spielberg sent her packing.  But I suspect it was different than that.  Bay sticks with the Cleavage and Explosions formula.  But in the end…nothing save this from being a complete implosion of a film.

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