Tele-Visions (Night Visions, 1989)

James Remar is Sergeant Thomas Mackey… a plays by his own rules guy who is forced to work with psychic Dr. Sally Powers (sigh) who has multiple personalities so solve his case. There is a serial killer who is killing women and…sigh.

Folks…I cannot say enough that this was a complete slog to get through. There were no surprises and it feel like the ultimate paycheck movie from Craven.

The characters are bland. The settings are boring. It feels like a dull; pilot for a dull series that the network wisely passed on. It is just terrible.

Angels With Filthy Souls (Legion, 2010)

Legion_PosterSo, God has lost faith in humanity and is going to go all “Noah’s Ark” on humanities ass…except there is no plan to save anyone. But one angel, Michael, feels in his heart that God is wrong and decides he must intervene. So, he comes to Earth to get some guns.

At a remote diner, Charlie is pregnant with humanity’s only hope. Soon the diner and it’s occupants are under siege by what they assume are people possessed by demons. Michael shows up and informs them these are actually people possessed by angels.

Michael explains he is there to help hold the other angels off until the baby is born (the film is set on Christmas Eve). The characters desperately fight to make it through it as more and more angels arrive. But Michael has a ton of guns to use and share with the folks in the diner.

Honestly, the film is pretty silly. It is trying to be a little of everything…there are sharp toothed angel possessed people, a creepy ice cream man, but lots of action movies stunts and shooting of the guns. Gabriel has a pretty wicked mace though.

The drama just comes off as kind of silly. Which is kind of sad.

You see, the film is full of interesting ideas. God has grown weary of humanity letting Him down with our darkness. This film has hints of the Sodom and Gomorrah story in the bible, except Michael is the one petitioning to save humanity and instead of one righteous soul, he seeks to save a baby.

The film wants you to see the big ideas…faith, can God’s heart be turned from anger (again, this has big shades of Noah)? Can an angel rebel against God and be forgiven? What is the nature of mercy. But the movie deals with these thing ineptly.  Not unlike Director Scott Stewart’s follow up to this film, Priest (also starring Paul Bettany), the most important thing is not story, but stylishness.

Starting Over (The Stepfather, 2009)

stepfather_remake_posterThis is a pretty slick and glossy remake.  It begins much like the original, right down to the Stepfather clearing a fogged up mirror and shaving off a bushy beard.  It is a little extended, but the idea is the same.  Admittedly, it was a pretty iconic moment, and I get wanting to use it again.

In his new town he meets Sela Ward’s Susan.  She has three children, one of whom is in military school (Michael, played by Penn Badgley).  He returns six months after his mom and David (the Stepfather) met and they are already engaged.  Michael instantly does not trust David.  David tries to get him to trust him with a private conversation about they will heal the family together (over shots).

The film establishes that his back story is that his wife and daughter were killed in an accident by a drunk driver.  And quickly, he starts to slip up, confusing names of his dead daughter while talking to Michael.

Unlike the first film, David needs to fix his problems very quickly.  A little old lady in the neighborhood told everyone about how this police sketch of the family killer she saw on a TV show looked just like David.  So, of course he has to kill her.  Susan’s ex-husband gets inquisitive.  So, He has to die.  The film tends to take it’s kill count from the third Stepfather films, going for big numbers, rather than a nuanced exploration of the Stepfather’s psychosis.

The Stepfather of this remake is kind of confusing.  The original films he was a very strict traditionalist.  He believed in hardcore moral values.  He did not believe in sex before marriage or living together before marriage.  His rigid morality was a code he lived by and refused to falter on.  When he did falter, that is when he started to crack.  This version sees a guy who is accused of being to old fashioned, but he seems to have pretty modern attitudes.  He lives with Susan and her kids, they are having sex.  In a scene reminiscent of the original, Michael puts on headphones to drown out the sounds of sex.  In the 1987 version, part of what makes the scene work is when we see O’Quinn and Hack together, O’Quinn has an expression of wanting to be anywhere but there having sex.

Anytime Amber Heard is on the screen, it feels like the director forgot he was making a movie…the film lingers on Heard in a bikini a lot…I mean, it is necessary I am sure…because Michael is a swimmer, so they spend a ton of by the pool.  I get it, Heard is attractive…but it is just s obvious that it distracts from the film.  It seems to have been distracting enough that we meet some detectives at the beginning working the case.  And we never see them again.

Sure, this film is far more action picked, with a big fight, but everything that is no really does not add to the story, everything that links back to the original just feels like a pale imitation.  While it is certainly better that Stepfather 3, this remake does nothing to improve on the original.

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