Boldly Going Pt 10 (Star Trek: Nemesis, 2002)

ST_Nemesis_PosterSo, after the disappointing returns the studio brought in the director of Executive Decision, Stuart Baird, and John Logan, the screen writer of the Time Machine.

The Romulans are in turmoil and during a high level meeting of their government, there is an assassination of the council.  Shinzon is installed as their leader.

Picard and the Enterprise are lured to a remote planet by a unique signal that is emitted by androids like Data.  They discover the pieces of an Android named B-4. Once assembled they try and determine how he got to the planet and his purpose.  It turns out that he has a connection to Shinzon.

When he meets with Picard, it is revealed that he is actually a clone of Picard from an abandoned secret  Romulan project. Shinzon is deteriorating and needs the genetics of Picard to stop it.

To be honest?  This is the film that nearly killed the franchise.  It is a dreary and dark mess.  The characters do not feel like themselves and the attempts at epic game changers just do not feel like they were at all committed. Data’s self sacrifice would probably feel more heavy hearted if there was not already an onscreen replacement. When Troi is literally mind raped, she requests to step down and Picard refuses to allow it, asking her to endure more.

Even scenes that feel like they should be exciting adventures are just lifeless.

Nemesis is a disappointing slog.  True story, I tried to watch this film five different times in the years since it came out and fell asleep until the fifth time.  I recently watched it again. I did manage to stay awake, but boy was it not a good time.

Fishies Pt 4 (Piranha 3D, 2010)

piranha_2010_posterIt is spring break in Lake Victoria and the kids are hear to party…get drunk, flash people, have sex…you know regular spring breakin’.  The local sheriff (Elizabeth Shue)is trying to keep things in control, and needs her son Jake (Steven R. McQueen) to watch his younger brother and sister.  Except he has been hired by Derrick (Jerry O’Connell) to take him and his crew around to the best Spring Break Locations.  Derrick runs a website called Wild Wild Girls* and wants to take advantage of the crowds at Lake Victoria.  Jake schemes, leaving his sibling home alone so he can hang out with Derrick and his group (including two Wild Wild Girls).  Unexpectedly, the girl he has a crush on, Kelly, gets brought on to the boat.

A research team headed by Novak (Parks and Rec’s Adam Scott) arrives to investigate a recent earthquake.  With the help of the Sheriff, they discover the earthquake opened an underground lake and has freed carnivorous fish.  And then the race is on to find the fish and stop them.

Of course, you know they will not succeed and spring break is an all you can eat buffet.  The fish work their way through the winding lake until they get to gorge themselves on swimmers.   In spite of not being shown for critics, the critics were pretty generous with this film.

The reason is, the film does not take itself seriously.  It is gleefully trashy and has fun with that.  There is no message about ecology or anything.  It is just about big and hungry fish.  And people in swimsuits.  The big sequence is a ridiculously over the top gore sequences as the Sheriff and Novak work alongside the deputies trying to save the Spring Breakers.  The effects are largely very good (though some digital moments are pretty obvious) and the film is carnage candy.

The movie has a very firm tongue in cheek attitude.  This is shown in it’s cameos, which are pitch perfect.  Eli Roth is an obnoxious Wet T-Shirt Contest Host.  Christopher Lloyd is a Doc Brown styled ichthyologist and the film opens Richard Dreyfuss slyly portraying his Matt Hooper character from Jaws.

The performances are really fun.  Ving Rhames is enjoyable Shue’s right hand man Deputy Fallon.  Paul Sheer is a goofy crony of of Derrick’s.  And Derrick?  O’Connell has one of the best lines of the entire film.  He plays Joe Franc-uh Derrick with no fear of the edge of the ledge.  I am a big fan of Adam Scott, and he is a lot of fun…it is kind of like he is playing a Action Ben Wyatt.  Kelly Brook’s performance is no major star turn, but her character Danni is likeable and seems keen on getting Jake and Kelly together as a couple.   Jessica Szohr is a lot of fun as Kelly, who is the kind of person to step up to the plate when challenged and when it is suggested she is maybe a bit uptight, shows Jake she is more than willing to cut loose.  Probably the supporting cast member to get the short end of the stick is Crystal, played by Riley Steel.  She has very little personality and pretty much is there to look good in a bikini.

This film should fall squarely into terrible, yet it has a lot of personality and makes for a real fun “Guilty Pleasure” movie.

 

 

 

*Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis wrote an angry letter to the producers and Jerry O’Connell repeatedly said he was playing Francis…upon threat of a lawsuit, O’Connell changed it to “For Legal reasons I play someone loosely based on Joe Francis”.

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